Thursday 17 October 2013

Further Probings

Whilst it can be of some help to study the psyche along reductionist principles, the holistic and dynamic structure of the psyche can never be completely ignored or forgotten. In a sense, that proximity to the ever changing nature of one's inner being throws a spotlight on the apparent fragility and powerlessness of the "I", that inwardly observing self. The real sense of deep unease that arises from one's Selfness (ego, or false self) is that it is not entirely in the realm of consciousness. Some part of it, and maybe the larger part, lies in the unconscious mind beyond the relatively weak control of the conscious will. I cannot be unaware of the predatory nature of my Selfness as it forever seeks to control and manipulate every aspect of my conscious life. Trying to fight that psychic predatoriness is like trying, single-handedly, to clear virgin ground only to see Nature move back in with all the urgent and willing power at her command. Similarly, my sense of Selfness refuses to be denied its assumed divine rights. So, also, it seems to be with my soul, my most inner and Higher Self. I am a house divided against itself. "I" desire to rest in silence; my Selfness wants the opposite, to be filled with anything but silence.

Although I have become accustomed to talking about the ego, and also the Higher Self, almost as separate entities, they are, each one, states of being that exist in part or wholly in the unconscious mind.  Furthermore, although there is a different feel about the experience of these states, it is impossible for me to draw a line of demarcation between them, for that would be an action appropriate only to my conscious sense of Selfness, a flawed reality. Thus I can see no way that reductionist principles can be applied to my unconscious mind in order to gain enlightenment. Only the language of imagery and an intuitive sensing beyond the physical senses are of any assistance. It is a source of great wonder to me that the unconscious mind is able to 'speak' to consciousness in this way;  and on occasions insists on so doing.

For all its power to consume and control, I think it would be a mistake to call Selfness either bad or even good for that matter. Judgementalism can play no part in this assessment. Selfness simply 'Is'. The difficulty that I need continually to confront arises from its assumption of Godlike importance and sense of rightness, for therein lies its fundamental flaw. But who or what within my awareness makes this assessment? Maybe this and other questions should be left alone, because they simply draw me back onto the merry-go-round designed to establish the sovereignty of my false self, my Selfness. The paramount task in the search for the true self is to disengage, detach, allow to slip out of focus, break concentration on egoistic traits, and allow timeless silence into my being. And that is what my Selfness least desires.
If I could see the total reality of the power of my ego I would be terrified. It seems to leave my consciousness just the bare minimum I need to survive. I have no real power, no real control. It is like being the most insignificant of human beings caught up in a war of the gods; or Jacob fighting with an opponent that is variously a man, an angel, or God. Even so, "I" must be of some importance in the inner grand scheme of things. That I do not know why the observing "I" is important is a direct result of the fact that I do not yet know myself, do not yet know what I truly am.

12 comments:

  1. I think you are wise in your effort of delineating the deeper parts of your psyche to see that as the work itself. Using the struggle as raw material for fueling the process of self exploration you are gaining ground in an honest self-assessment and, hopefully, that transcendence you seek. Of course, I'm not entirely sure transcendence is the right word but for now I'll use it as the term that comes closest to that old admonition, 'Know thyself'.

    I feel odd writing about this subject since I found myself in great difficulty doing the kind of self-searching you describe. I'm still searching too but in recent years I've turned toward simply quieting my mind during meditation, and praying for a return to quietude when I wander off track.

    I'm glad you're back to writing when the mood strikes you. I find it very helpful to read your thoughts on this vitally important subject.

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  2. Susan; Thank you for your, once again, supportive comment. I understand your use of the word 'transcendence' in this context. I am already beginning to find a certain freedom in my writing as and when it feels right to do so. Also, although I will continue to write as well as possible, there are other more important considerations than totally correct syntax and punctuation. This is a 'growingly' exciting time for me.

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  3. Playing a mind game with that self-ness is difficult for it does assume a power out of all proportion (God-like indeed!).
    Two of mine are, "earliest memory" and "moment of death". The reaction my conscious, controlling mind has to those has been interesting and points to a purpose beyond this lifetime.

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  4. Mmmmm! Close to the two extremes, and therefore probably the two moments when re-assessment is most vital; a coming from, and a going towards. As I have said previously, if at rock bottom we are energy in some form, energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only changed.

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  5. And the burning question of selfness is "does my higher self, all that energy that is the true essence of 'me' have a purpose? Does (did) this lifetime serve the true being in some way? I'd like to think it does, but there is the self-importance again.

    At the moment of this particular version of me, was there a goal of some sort (any sort)?

    At that other extreme, is all revealed in an ultimate AHA! moment?

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  6. Halle; If it is truly one's sense of Selfness that asks the questions, that in itself raises questions as to the nature of that Selfness. If the Higher Self has no purpose, what was it ever there for in the first place? That it surely is there implies there is a purpose, one that perhaps one's Selfness would rather not know. The answer might be too much of a threat.

    As to your next question about whether this lifetime is serving the true being, I can only suggest that, from what you have posted, your lifetime is certainly doing so. And that is probably its goal. Life forever seeks, and in finding it achieves its goal.

    As to whether all will be revealed in an ultimate AHA! moment, I'm quite happy to defer that pleasure for a while!

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  7. Nothing to say today, but wanted to let you know I've been here, happy to be reading your words.

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  8. Thank you Beth. Good to know you were here.

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  9. I am here also, Tom. For the 5th time
    and again and again I have no control over my thoughts and am without comment.

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  10. rough week here ... happy to ponder your calming words ...

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  11. Ellena; Sometimes it seems impossible to make any comment, except that there is no comment to make. And that's fine,

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  12. Rouchswalwe; Good to hear from you. Hope your week hasn't been too bad.

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