This is not the post I had intended to submit today, but maybe it is the one that I need to submit. What is need? Is it something I feel I must have, for my self? Rather, should I not have said that I ought to write this particular script? That sounds too judgemental, too much like working to another's agenda. Yet here lies a contradiction. It is my ego that senses need, and also passes judgement. It is my ego that plays the 'another's agenda' card, whilst at the same time working to its own agenda. Ah, how subtle, uncaring and uncomprehending is my ego. My writing does not follow any agenda of mine; it seeks only to describe my being, as it is now. It only seeks to bind in words that which will suffer no such restraint.
Foolishly, I had thought that at the completion of my latest post, "In Which I Have My Being", the job was complete, finished, put to bed. And maybe there is some truth in that, except that that post may not yet be finished, if it ever could be. Certainly, it has not done with me yet.
I stand at a brink. Before and below me lies an abyss that is beyond my understanding, or even my knowing. The little wisdom of my ego says,
|Into the Abyss|
"Fly! Do not jump! It is too dangerous, and I will be lost! I will surely die."
Something else answers in words I cannot hear, but hear nonetheless,
If I had the courage I would fling far apart my arms and throw myself into the depths, and trust. But please, my courage isn't that strong, and I'm not good at 'trust'. I step closer to the edge, close my eyes to the enormity of what I am about to do. In that awe-full and terrifying vortex, stars are ground into atoms; life is snuffed out in a moment that could not even exist. I hug my trembling body........I fold, and allow myself to slip beyond the edge, and to fall. I fall into that which is Life, that sustains my life.
I fall as if forever, yet stilled is my being-ness. Now is what I am! I fall further, more deeply, into the abyss of Self-ness. Ever closer do I come to a far greater Abyss. Deeper, and yet deeper. But wait! Is it that the void is rushing up to engulf me, to wrap me within itself?
..........God lies in the abyss. God IS the Abyss..........
Silence..........Stillness..........Movement but no passing. I am here, beyond the vortex, floating in the depths of the abyss. And I can go no further for there is nowhere else to go. There is no where-ness or when-ness. I hang, now motionless, supported by a no-thing-ness that is more than I shall ever need; an invisible hand reaching out like a shadow emerging from the darkness. Yet still I am becoming..........empty but grounded. I am no-where; I am no-when. I AM..........
(Picture used in this post was taken from the internet.)