It has been said that contemplation is rather like sitting in the garden with a glass of beer, and gazing into the far distance. If this is true, then perhaps I was in a state of contemplation, the subject of my musings being morality. I do not recall there being any great mental effort involved. Rather, or so it seems to me in hindsight, the exercise took on the mien of an unfocused, dreamlike contact with something whose presence caused a certain sense of shock.
The image of the head, seen initially in profile, seemed real enough though existing in a non-material form. Well of course it had to be an image generated in my mind, but it nevertheless appeared to have a separate, perhaps projected, existence somewhat beyond my physical self. And there was that about the image that, if not entirely familiar, was not entirely unfamiliar either. It waited in the shadows, puzzled at what was passing through my mind, the unfocused subject of morality. As I have said, the puzzlement experienced by the image, which I had taken to be some expression of my Higher Self, generated a feeling of shock within my consciousness. It wasn't as if the image of the head was in any way immoral. That would have implied the acceptance of a moral code, but one which could be transgressed. Neither was there a sense of the image being amoral, for that would have implied the recognition of the existence of a moral code, but one which did not apply to the Higher Self. No, it was as if the whole notion of morality was totally foreign to my Higher Self, a meaningless concept. But how could this be?
It seems to me that morality serves only to make it possible for multitudes of egos to coexist in something approaching a state of harmony. That in itself means a state of separateness exists in what we see as reality, a state which also has the property of illusoriness. Now I am not saying that the world out there is an illusion, only that it is somewhat illusory. Reality and illusion can only be defined relative to a given set of parameters. Neither the experience of presumed reality nor of illusion can be considered to be absolute.
On the other hand, if it is true that I experienced some projection of my Higher Self, and that that state had no concept, if that is an appropriate word for something existing beyond the intellect, of morality, then the implication is clear. There can be only one Higher Self, call it God if you wish, a state or process which can be experienced by everyone. At that level, separateness ceases to exist, and each becomes part of a universal All.
I have lived with doubt and uncertainty for as long as I can remember. At this moment, my uncertainty is almost palpable. It sits within and around me, waiting for understanding or to be understood. Of knowledge, I feel empty. And maybe that is a good place to be. So on the occasion of this winter solstice, I wish all my readers, whether they comment here or not, the best of the season's greetings. If you, like me, are searching, may you find that for which you search. If you knock, may the door be opened to you.