Saturday 10 August 2013

An Instrument of Power

From time to time I notice a certain troublesome unease on the periphery of my awareness.  It isn't serious or spiritually debilitating;  it is simply a movement that leaves a certain sadness, and a wanting, in its wake. Most of the time I don't even notice it because my other activities, such as preparing pieces for posting here, produce enough 'noise' to mask the discomfort. Nevertheless, it will still remain, gently haunting me and refusing to go away.  In the more distant past, I would have brushed that unease away with annoyance.  Not any more.  I have learned to trust these discomforts, to approach and investigate them before they develop into something more demandingly uncomfortable.

It was whilst undergoing one of these periods of slight discomfort that I found myself preparing for a morning meditation.  There seemed to be no problems, except that the occasional thought would intrude and distract.  I find that thoughts, however, are obvious when present and can be summarily, if only temporarily, dealt with.  On the other hand, emotions and feelings are far less obvious for me, and cannot so readily be dismissed.  Indeed, it is sometimes difficult to be aware that a feeling is even present. On this particular morning I noticed that now familiar sense of unease, but this time I decided to approach it and determine the cause of the problem. Immediately, I recognised the cause as a pervading sense of spiritual aridity.

My most recent posts have been concerned with my first meeting with my internal Druid, my Voice of Authenticity, and my interpretation of the symbols that arose.  Lying in the background was an awareness that it has been a long time since the Druid and I have obviously travelled together.

"Has he abandoned me?"  I asked myself.  "Am I doing something wrong?  Am I not working hard enough?  Am I being too lax?"  These and other questions of a similar nature, arose to plague my uneasy mind.

Of course, all such thoughts are the product of an over-zealous and dictatorial ego.  The real cause of the aridity is a joyous one, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.  It is the perfectly normal response to an inner journey going ever deeper, a journey which my consciousness cannot be privy to.  Patience and faith are needed.  It just so happens that I am a little short of both commodities.  Once the problem had been addressed, I could once more return to my meditation, and that was when I received a massive surprise.

..........I found myself sitting on a log of appropriate proportions, looking into a fire outside a cave on a mountaintop.  I felt no need to immerse myself in its flames as I had done on a previous visit. To my right, closer to the mouth of the cave and still remaining in the shadows, sat the Druid. Somehow, I had been plucked from the conscious state of my meditation room and brought here to the mountaintop.  We sat awhile, enjoying each other's company, slipping into that familiarising process that floods the heart with joy. Yes, it was good to be back. 
          I sensed a movement from the Druid, but only a slight movement, but it was enough.  I found that I was holding an ebony wand in my hands, a black, polished instrument of great power. It was incredible. Here, in my hands, rested something so beautiful and potent that I could see no way that I could carry it to a lower level of consciousness.  It would have been as if I were trying to live a peak experience for the rest of my life, or manifesting the divine in an environment unsuited to its presence. How different this experience from that of the rock chippings that had turned to amethyst.  On that visit, the rock chippings had been ordinary, run of the mill. This wand was anything but that.
          As I felt the slick smoothness of the gift that had been placed in my hands, I began to feel, to become aware of, something else.  It seemed as if a secondary presence existed within the wand. That inner presence seemed to indicate that it was akin to a stick of charcoal, that it had an inner, hidden purpose, and that I was required to draw with it.  That made no sense to me.  How could I draw a sketch or a picture with something so obviously unsuited for the task? I was receiving no apparent help from the Druid; this was something I had to sort out for myself.  
          Then something seemed to click into place.  I wasn't required to draw pictures with this wand. I was to draw up, or draw down, something, energy or power perhaps, from some place deep within me. Or maybe I was to do nothing, that whatever was needed would, of itself, be drawn from my psycho-spiritual being, for some purpose yet to be disclosed. Maybe that process of drawing on the spiritual realm was already happening.  As that realisation dawned, the Druid stood and clasped my hands in his, and I knew the rightness of my conclusion. 
          It was then that I received my second massive surprise. 'His' hands were unmistakeably female. Even after all the slight hints in the past, I had always imagined the Druid to be male.  I looked up at her, longing to see her face so completely hidden in shadow.  And the thought spoke to me, 

"Why should it be otherwise?  Have I not already opined that there is a spectrum of Truth of which Wisdom, or Sophia, is a part?  Why then should not my Druid also be female?"............

                                                                                      (Extract from my current diary)

Somewhere, deep inside me, I sense a block has been removed, a kink ironed out, ........ and yes, a rough place made plain.  Now the quote from Isaiah 40:4 makes sense for me.

           "Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low:  
           and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places made plain."

I have been lifted.  Can unease wear a smile on its face?  I prefer un-sadness to sadness just as I prefer happiness to unhappiness, but I accept the need for both.  Without the one I will never find the other.  I am a living creature, therefore I react or choose to respond to stimuli. Those stimuli do not always need to be severe;  a little unease on the periphery of awareness can be enough. Meditations and contemplations do not always go to plan, or as my ego so readily reminds me, even go very well at all. But I no longer need to compete, to win, or even get things right.  I am that I am.  It will suffice.

22 comments:

  1. Wonderful that the subconscious has come to your rescue, in answer to prayer, so to speak, in a dream.

    You identify an underlying unease that makes you flinch. I'll share with you a connection that arose in my mind, with two books. 1) After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, by Jack Kornfield; the title indicating that enlightenment comes in occasional peaks and doesn't free us from every burden (of world or psyche). 2) The Book of Disquiet, by Fernando Pessoa (tr. Richard Zenith). I admire it so much, for Pessoa's ability to write about the disquieting aspects of the inner life with such inspiring eloquence.

    The lesson that seems to reveal itself in both is the blessings and grace that come from embracing even the negative aspects. And the quicker one notices and accepts the lesson of the sting (that negative spur to change, which visits us at the right time) the less painful it needs to be.

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  2. Vincent; When I have reduced somewhat my mountain of 'must read' books, I'll follow up on Jack Cornfield (a Buddhist teacher, I believe?) and Fernando Pessoa).

    I learned the painful way that it is far better to embrace emotional/spiritual pain, in all its forms, rather than go into avoidance mode. The latter course invariably means that a much greater pain will need to be faced in the end. In any event, pain is about process. It is our ego (or more exactly, what Jesus referred to as ahamkara) that says pain is bad.

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  3. ... or might have referred to as ahamkara, if his words had been recorded in Sanskrit?

    Never mind the quibble, it's a most useful psychological term. Thanks for introducing it (& now I know better what you meant by ego on that other post).

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  4. I take your comment in the spirit which I'm sure it was meant. But it does raise an interesting question. If Jesus, speaking in Aramaic - or any other local language of the time - had used the word Ahamkara, does it not raise the possibility that in the silent years before his ministry he may have travelled to, and studied in, more Eastern lands? India for example? Just a thought!

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  5. There's something very satisfying, calming and enlightening in this post and your re-encounter with the Druid. It seems that such an encounter (in whatever form it happens) takes place when one is ready for it and is not subject to our willing or wanting it to happen. And I take your point that emotional/spiritual unease must not be pushed under the carpet but given attention - this is good advice for me, thank you.

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  6. My pleasure, dear Natalie.

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  7. Ah, this is lovely. Especially after finding this,

    http://www.whiskeyriver.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-important-thing-is-not-to-know-who.html

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  8. The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ, “transcribed from the Akashic Records” in the late 19th century, has sections entitled "Life & Works of Jesus in India ... Tibet & Western India ... Persia ... Assyria ... Greece ... & Egypt", so who knows?

    Jack Kornfield was for several years a Buddhist monk, but has become far more eclectic as this excerpt from his Ecstasy & Laundry book shows:

    "We can go to India or Jerusalem--and some of the most magical stories of these masters might have us believe that this is the way a spiritual life must begin. But it also begins in a moment of gardening, in the simple act of returning home after a voyage and seeing it fresh, in the touch of an inspired piece of music, a poem's song, the flight of a bird. Every pair of eyes we look into can become the eyes of the Beloved." (I'm not promoting the book, just part way through reading it.)

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  9. Zhoen; Thank you for the reference. So glad for your comment.

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  10. Vincent; Thank you for that. Isn't it strange that when I posted this submission, I had my doubts about its reception. How wrong can I be!

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  11. A wonderful esperience for you, Tom, how blessed you are in having them.

    The image of the black ebony wand in your hand just jumps out at me. Have you thought of drawing that on paper, say with charcoal or black conte crayon?

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  12. Marja-Leena; Blessed indeed. I hadn't thought about drawing it, not until you suggested it. As I have neither charcoal nor conte crayon, perhaps an alternative might be considered. We'll see.

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  13. My first thought was "I'd like to have some of whatever he's smoking!" But then I thought, no, that would lower the level of this discourse to the mundane. I envy your visit with the Druid and wonder how one reaches such a dream state. I have tried meditation in the past but given it up. Guess I didn't try hard enough. Ah well, I have Gwynt to read. Perhaps that's enough.

    I must agree with Marja-Leena: I think you should draw your encounter with the Druid. Charcoal would seem to be the best medium but perhaps some dark colored pencils would do the job.

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  14. Bruce; Thank you for expressing your honest reaction to my post. Strictly speaking, imaging is not a dream state, although there are similarities. Rather than spend time here trying to explain in further detail, and seeing my comment disappearing into history, I propose writing a side-bar note which can henceforth appear with my posts. Thank you for highlighting further a problem I need to address.

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  15. I understand the emotions but I have no words of wisdom to share

    For me, it's an intense, physical longing for a place, a time, a me that I can no longer inhabit

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  16. Julia; I apologise if I have misunderstood you, but is this a comment on "Exploring Nostalgia"?

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  17. I've mentioned before how I envy you the powerful visualizations you experience while practicing devotional meditation. This is an amazing example of the blessing you share with us.

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  18. Susan; It is a source of great pleasure that something I hold to be very precious is received with such pleasure by my readers.

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  19. I am so grateful that you share what was given to you but not to me. Thank you for that Tom.

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  20. Ellena; I think that perhaps we all have something to give, and need to receive. Thank you also.

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  21. Oh, a surprise! I've often had the impression that a surprise arouses something deep in me. How wonderful that you had this moment!

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  22. Rouchswalwe; There is something about that kind of surprise that is enlightening, wonderful, uplifting, as if the clouds have rolled back and revealed something profound, as if one has taken a step towards the truth. An inner life never seems to get boring for me. And I get to share it!

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