Nearly ten days have passed since a certain night-time experience (3rd./4th. Jan.) completely turned me around; ten days of something akin to lethargy, or the need to rest.
A quote from the Nag Hammadi Codex, Gospel of Thomas, Logion (or Saying) No.2:-
2 Jesus said:
Let him who seeks not cease from seeking
until he finds;
and when he finds,
he will be turned around,
and when he is turned around
he will marvel
and he shall reign over the All.
(In other copies of this logion, 'troubled' and 'astonished' are used rather than 'marvel'. It seems to me that each of those words express an element of deep surprise. One version adds the phrase, "and having reigned, one will rest.")
..........From my own experience, and I recall what I wrote in Gwynt on the subject of the Nativity, not only understanding, but also Wisdom perhaps, arrives unexpectedly. A subject for meditation may be taken over and used for whatever purposes Wisdom has in mind for me. And yes, I love her, and continue to seek her out. I also know that following the work on those three earlier posts, I was overcome with a sense of lethargy, or rest, in which the thinking and feeling functions played no part, were anaesthetised almost. In finding "The All", that is, Spiritual Truth or Wisdom perhaps, a great deal of energy has been expended, and that energy needs to be replaced. I need to rest awhile.........
[Meditation on Logion 2.]
During the period following my posts on the Nativity, or what might more appropriately called the 'High-jacked Nativity', I have accepted, with some difficulty, the need to rest and let things stew. From time to time of late, certain nudgings and discomforts have surfaced which indicate that my apprehension of what lay beyond the rim of logic, rationality and reason, carries something else within its ambit. That something else relates to my need to be seen as a credible witness of my inner experiences. I have never been a full-bloodied disciple of logic, not committed to rationality with no thought of the irrational in my nature. But reason is something else. Surely, I must fight to my limits to support reason and reasoned analysis, must I not?
No!........ For now I see that my embattled ego is under threat. I claim that reason is needful because my subject matter, my search for 'knowing', for understanding, for wisdom, is too important - at least to me - to settle for anything less. Yet in that recognition, I find myself bolstering my ego's need to be, and on that I must turn my back. Even sweet reason must take a back seat when Wisdom herself comes knocking on my door.
For a long time I have been aware of this inner priority, but it has been swamped by other considerations. Whether or not I could have willed it otherwise, I know not. Whether or not I could have held rigidly to the placement of Wisdom above reason, I do not know. Such is the power of Spiritual Truth that given even half a chance, it will come more than halfway to meet consciousness. Now isn't that a wonderful thing? And in that coming of the experience of Spiritual Truth, all the ego-slush that was preventing me from stepping into the Darkness, was washed away, dispersed, or simply evaporated. Finally, the way forward was cleared.
It has taken much to put these words to paper, so to speak. But somewhere, somehow, a balance must be achieved, a balance between rest and travel, a balance between lethargy and the will to write. Perhaps it does not matter what I say here, only that I say something. What matters, what truly matters, is what came next.