Saturday, 15 June 2013

In Which I Have My Being

..........Below me, an airless world of water moves silently through the cosmos.  A wisp of dark, mauve smoke glides across the surface of the deeps.  Shapes, dark, menacing and unidentified, glide below the surface.  In the distance is a galaxy, shining like a brilliant sunset, or a cosmic dawn.  All the while a silvery-white, equal-armed cross hangs in space above the planet. Movement, but no passing.  Serenity, a sense of eternity.  Timelessness.  Spheres within spheres..........
                                                                                 (Images from a meditation journal)

My world, in which the spirit moves, is constrained to move along a preordained path like a planet moving through a dimly lit cosmos.  I am, and must remain, subject to its spiritual laws. Calm.......Aloneness.  

I sensed a struggle, a longing, something trying to be heard.  I would see this imagery in my normal waking hours, and then awake during the darkness of the night to see it yet again. Try as I would I could not hear what I saw:  it continually eluded me.  It was the equal-armed Cross, not a Calvary Cross, that was the seat of the problem.  My words, frustratingly pointless and inadequate, must no longer be called 'mere words', for words are all I have.  Beyond those words lies experience, and beyond experience lies truth.  Perhaps my need is for new words.

It is as if my ego glides over the surface of my beyond-consciousness, that realm that lies at the very foundation of my being.  Whilst maintaining some contact with the watery surface of the planet, the wisp of smoke glides and dances its way wherever it will.  The impression around this image is one of distraction, lack of awareness of its surroundings and self-absorption.  Although it is from the waters below that the smoke appears to draw its substance, it is sustained in its being, its form and motion, by the energy flowing from the distant galaxy.  Behaving as if it were complete within itself, a self-contained entity, my ego or virtual self is no more than a reflection in kind, or imperfect projection of the galaxy that sustains it.  Connected in some way to the remainder of the cosmos this virtual self may well be, but it is only the immediate galactic environment in which the ego lives, moves and has its being, that has any significant impact on that self.  And who can tell what dark and menacing forces may, at any moment, erupt from the deeps to devour the wisp of smoke that moves here and there, so uncaringly and uncomprehendingly?  

The region around the planet appears to become steadily darker the further one moves into the void of space, as if in travelling toward the distant galaxy the beyond-consciousness is itself emerging from a surrounding and yet even deeper unknown.  Unlike the water planet, the airless environment of space neither reflects nor absorbs any energy from the galaxy whatsoever.  It is simply the abyss in which the galaxy also lives, moves and has its being. The galactic light is not that blinding emanation to which one is accustomed when observing the material sun but a gentler, spiritual light into which one can look directly.  It shines as if to herald a coming universal night or maybe the beginning of a new cosmic day.  Perhaps both options are available, a descent into the abyss of spiritual darkness or an ascent into the light.

From an egoistic vantage point, I find it impossible to gain a clear sighting of this galaxy, this symbol of my Higher or Real Self, particularly when viewed directly.  It is only when viewed in a more covert way, that any awareness of shape can be discerned and even then not clearly.  Seen in this manner the Self displays a sense of asymmetry or incompleteness, some otherness that is still in a process of becoming.  At its very centre lies that which cannot, or may not, be seen, some state or energy, a black abyss of Self-ness, that recognizes some affinity to, or even part of, a far greater Abyss.  

The "silvery-white, equal-armed cross that hangs in space above the planet" was not very large, but clearly evident.  This form of Cross has been described as embodying the concept of unification between the ethereal and the material.  It is this image that appears to be associated with the idea of the Centre or inner observer.  Although movement is clearly implied, there is also a powerful feeling that this imagery, or perhaps more correctly the process that this imagery represents, stands outside time.  It seems that there is a psycho-spiritual state, or even maybe a truly spiritual force, involved here which makes its appearance as an illusory psychological form, and which is either independent of time or for which time is a meaningless concept.

I sensed a struggle, a longing, something trying to be heard.  Out of the silence comes the word; out of the calm comes the struggle.  What is trying to be heard?  Is it I?  Or is it something far beyond?

When I view the total experience of that which this imagery says I am, I wonder why I would ever have wanted to focus only on that wisp of smoke, my ego, and allow it to assume the status of God.

(N.B.     The 'mood' pictures were take from the internet.)


  1. You've found words to describe what is essentially undescribable experience but still one feels that there is more to it than words. Did you ever try painting this particular 'vision'?

  2. Hullo Natalie; No I never did try to paint this image, very largely because I do not think I could do it justice, particularly the galaxy image. There has always been a wish to paint these images - in oils as the preferred medium.

    I agree that there is more to it than words. I feel that perhaps the image has been, not so much watered down, as veiled to a level that makes its absorption manageable.

  3. Yes, I had a similar thought to Natalie's ... more than words ... after I read your sentence: "It is only when viewed in a more covert way, that any awareness of shape can be discerned and even then not clearly." And I wondered, did you ever try composing music to capture this vision? And then I read your description again searching for a hint as to the scent. You did not mention a particular aroma ... are there smells discernable in this 'vision'? Though difficult to capture in words.

    The cross as a bringer together of the ethereal and the material ... that tickles my memory. I'll have to look something up ...

  4. There is another aspect to be considered here. I have a house that still needs some renovation work; I am too distant from my early music composition to renew that interest; I have ongoing spiritual studies that I must continue; I want to do more painting. I am 75 years old and the stamina is not there that once there was. This is one particular mountain I cannot climb.

  5. To Both; I'm sorry if that sounded like a self-piteous whine (European whinge). It was not meant so. The fact is that over the last year or so, I have begun to feel....tired.

    Rouchswalwe, I'd be interested to hear what the results of your 'looking something up' turn out to be.

  6. t is only when viewed in a more covert way, that any awareness of shape can be discerned and even then not clearly.
    I have to agree that attempts to discern a Higher Self have been most successful when seen from the corner of the eye. It is hard sometimes to keep the discipline of not looking directly at something so ephemeral.

  7. From here?

    Oh, wv says - holiness ailesati.

  8. Halle; Indeed it is. At times I find that when that glimpsed presence appears in the corner of my eye (always my left eye), if I am not careful I chase it faster and faster, to no useful point of course.

  9. Zhoen; Thank you very much indeed. I have archived the gmail for future (much!) use. As far as the wv is concerned, need I say more?

  10. Could it be that all difficulties and sufferings of your soul are transformed to eyes which can see a superior world, the spiritual world. And now what?

  11. Ellena; Something to think about, certainly. It is also interesting that climbing my mountain takes effort, yet the journey to a superior world seems to go in tune with gravity, both cosmologically and spiritually speaking, and is therefore effortless.

  12. Oh dear Tom, it did not sound as though you were whinging at all. The tired feeling is simply something we have to report on and take into account. Me, too of late.

    Well, I've located what it was ... a section on etymology (the part that addresses the root-group qer:ger [gher]:ker) by Jean Gebser.

    Your observation of the equal-armed cross drew me in, especially the connection to time. Gebser explains why he believes the root group shows the activation of the soul and goes on to give words derived from the roots. Words which "are to a great extent attuned to the context of Kronos/chronos." One of these words is crux, related to curvus (qer): "whreas qer is expressive of the circle and rotation, the nature of the cross is most clearly evident in its root: the divider of the circle and this the disrupter of destiny."

    It's interesting to me to note that an expression exists in German - kreuz und quer.

    I'll have to ponder all this. I just wanted to give you Gebser's thoughts because they seem to me to be connected to yours somehow.

  13. My natural reticence in talking about subjects for which there are no words prevents me from delving into the particulars of the imagery you describe in any way other than to say I understand. Your writing about transpersonal matters is sublime.

    I've been a meditator for a long time - 30 plus years but follow no particular school as it seems wise to me that all paths are ultimately individual and the ultimate goal will be revealed in its own time. One person whose life and teachings I found especially relevant in my own search was Ramana Maharshi. Although he didn't spend much time describing the Ultimate, it was quite apparent to all who knew him that he spent his life there.

    It's always seemed sad to me that Christianity was stripped of its more mystical elements by the First Council of Nicea in 325AD.

  14. Rouchswalwe; Thank you for that, for all of it! It occurs to me that the Rosenkreutz is also tied up with all this. Although I have done some meditations on the Rose Cross, I have always steered clear of the Rosicrucians, but out of instinct rather than for clearly though out reasons. Please keep it coming when you're ready.

  15. Hi Susan, Thank you for your compliment. The problem with the Council of Nicea, it seems to me, was that matters temporal/political were put ahead of matters spiritual. Real Christianity never survived that.

  16. A deeply moving, much-thought-provoking post, Tom. I read it yesterday and have come back to sections of it in my mind ever since.

    I found this quote today, which seems to go along with what you've written so eloquently here - at least it does for me:
    "We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity.
    Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity."
    ~ Paulo Coelho

  17. Martha, of late I have begun to give some thought as to why I began Gwynt. It is a subject I will continue to explore, but dare I suggest that maybe it has something to do with what is happening between all of us. Thoughts and experiences are travelling back and forth, and I for one - and clearly I am not alone in this - am finding this process of discovery and rediscovery exhilarating. Thank you for your quote.

  18. i try to remember
    as often as possible
    that we are made of "star stuff"
    and water.
    It wasn't until i moved to the east coast, decades ago where i
    a) inherited a friend with a lovely swimming pool long enough to swim laps
    b) began spending time at and in the ocean
    that i discovered water's magical properties for transporting me.
    i do not take much stock in the "back to the womb/our origins" notion that so many attribute to the strong pull that water has on so many of us...but i'll have to get back to you (some day) on what i do believe it is.
    Or not.
    i may need to just let it be what it is, for fear of trying to loose it through naming it...

  19. Zephyr; I do think you have to play these things by ear. I would like to hear what you believe it is, but it is much more important that you do not lose it by naming it. Words can be such a smothering straitjacket.

  20. Hello Tom. I have only just realised that you have a blog. Mea Culpa. Mea culpa maxima. Reading your description I am reminded of a theme. What happens to morality when religion goes out of the window? Religion went out of my window long ago, but morality I believe and hope has grown proportionatly stronger in way of thinking. Your account somehow reinforces the moral strength that I find in the vastness and stangeness of the universe. But may be I read it wrong. Either way I enjoyed it.

  21. Hullo Joe, and welcome to Gwynt. What I write in scripts such as the current one are the results of my spiritual meditations. I try to offer explanations for the 'data', but they may not always be complete. If you, or anyone else, finds more in my writing than I have revealed, that's great! So I doubt that your take on it was wrong. I hope you continue to enjoy.

  22. I wish I could have the images you describe. My attempts at meditation have been, unfortunately, met with failure.

    Maybe drugs would help! :)

  23. I don't really know how to answer that one Bruce. I don't think drugs are a long term solution :( Imaging just seems to be something I have always been able to do. If it's any consolation, imaging can be quite terrifying sometimes, and energy sapping. But as they say, there's no such thing as a free meal!

  24. A very thoughtful post and comments! I am wordless on the subject but nod in understanding.

    (Have been away so I'm very late in catching up with my readings!)

  25. Good to hear you're safely back.

  26. Tom, I appreciate your attempts to put into words these things that are wordless and paradoxical. my own meditation has never yielded images, but sometimes a resounding word or two: "I AM" was one, and when it came it certainly did not mean a separate being up on a cloud somewhere. (However, i am typing the word "clouds" here right now to prove I'm not a robot!)

  27. Beth, the question of separateness has something of a vexed nature for me. My imagery displays a sense of separateness about certain things, but perhaps in a way implied by a concentratedness on a particular subject of the moment. At moments like that all else passes into oblivion, but I repeat the word 'perhaps'. The question is I suppose, "Do different states of being, different levels of expanded consciousness, constitute separation in any sense of that word?" Certainly it may be perceived to be that way, but I have said that the universe is all-inclusive which implies no ultimate separation of its parts. On the other hand, only those happenings in my immediate environment, materially and spiritually, have significant impact. (As my mind can reach out to the stars, how far does my immediate environment extend?)

    I hope I have never taken anything for granted in my writings, but it has never occurred to me that all other people do not image. For me it is like breathing and eating. If I have assumed too much, my apologies.

    I can certainly attest to the sensing of spoken words during meditation, as in "L'Abbaye de Boquen". That I always find to be an intimate experience between two presences watching the same screen, as it were; not some divine creature "up there". It is more in the nature of a 'silent watcher', just the other side of the veil separating consciousness from unconsciousness.

    Thank you for your comment, Beth. It is good to be obliged to think again, or re-address something that is difficult to explain. To question is to open a door perhaps to deeper understanding.