Voice of Authenticity

In the early 1990's, when my inner life appeared to be settling into some kind of short-term pattern of spiritual study and meditation, something very unexpected occurred. I say a short-term pattern because I had no clear and specific idea about where I was headed, except that as a matter of faith it was in a generally upward direction.  The trauma of living with a woman suffering from severe alcoholism was in the past, but only the recent past.  A particular morning came when, having gone through my usual preparations for my morning meditation (the subject of which I have long since forgotten) I suddenly found myself, in my inner state, on a mountainside. I was climbing upwards to meet with a 'wise person', whomsoever that might turn out to be.  This was not my first experience of 'imaging' or 'pathworking', as it is sometimes known.  It was, however, the first time (though it wasn't to be the last) that I had been taken willy-nilly on a path not of my choosing.  It was clear that my unconscious mind needed to communicate something, and although I could have refused to listen, I agreed to travel that particular journey.  This post is a sharing of the start of that journey, the first time I met my 'wise person', the Druid.

For many years I could not say what the Druid himself represented, beyond the fact that he was an inner guide and guardian.  Only now do I recognise him for what he was and still remains, my inner 'Voice of Authenticity', or in other words the psychological truth of what has really happened in my life. Although this journey is rich in symbolism it is not my intent, at least at this stage, to enter into what could be an imperfect interpretation of that journey.  Whatever was to come later, that first meeting was an experience of joy, wonder and hope.  It is something of that experience which I hope to convey, if only in part.

Amethyst with Gold Ring

..........I stood on a precariously narrow track no wider than the width of one of my feet.  The slick, shiny mountain, composed of some unidentifiable but igneous-looking rock, slowly curved to my right to enclose a roughly circular valley filled with trees.  From overhead a full moon illuminated the face of the mountain and just the tops of the trees below me, to produce a gently mottled light on a sea of deep shadow.  I continued my slow but steady progress along the mountainside until I came to a cleft in the rock.  There I waited awhile, taking in the scene around me, and deciding on my next move.  There was a harsh angularity about the mountain that contrasted starkly with the roundness of the full moon, and the softness of the forest.  Yet there was also a feeling of cleanliness and purity about the mountains, uncluttered as they were by soil or pebbles.  There was nothing to mar the slippery slopes glistening in the moonlight.

          I had had some difficulty keeping my footing on the slippery track as it wound its way onwards above the treetops.  The cleft not only offered me some relief from that dangerous path but also a way upwards to the summit.  The cleft lay in deep shadow but offered a safer, wider path upwards towards the mountaintop where I could see a cave at the entrance of which burned a fire.  I climbed steadily towards the cave, approached with caution, then waited just beyond the light cast by the fire.  I found there was something attractive, deeply magnetic about the fire.  I could feel the drying heat on my face as the flames drew me ever closer.  The desire to step into the fire strengthened steadily, but I resisted.  Then I saw that to the right of the fire was a pile of logs.  With these logs I began to feed the fire, turning the flames from yellow to white heat.  The desire to step into the flames and be purged, to experience catharsis, became overpowering.  As I made to take those last steps into the fire, the tall figure of a Druid, dressed in a black, cowled robe appeared at the cave mouth. Although I thought I could see what might have been the barest hint of a nose and a chin, the newcomer's face was completely hidden from me.

          I began to talk with the Druid, but not by word of mouth.  I knew that I wanted access to my unconscious mind, which I felt he could give me, and that desire appeared to be well received.  He approached me, and the moment he touched my right shoulder we fused, then drew apart but having in that fusing exchanged bodies.  As a result of that joining I became aware of his feelings and his thoughts as I imagine he must have become aware of mine.  I discovered that the Druid had waited a long time for me to come, and also that the Druid's powers were not unlimited, though immeasurably greater than mine.  We had both wanted this meeting for so long, and now that it had happened there was a sense of having arrived and been accepted.  Again he approached me, momentarily fused and withdrew.  We were once more in our own, original bodies.

          For a while I was lost in silence, not knowing what to ask of the Druid.  Just when the silence began to become unbearable, he reached into a large leather bag leaning against the wall at the cave mouth and drew forth a handful of ordinary-looking rock chippings and gave them to me.  Carefully placing the apparently worthless gift in my pocket, I turned to leave.  I walked down the path, westwards, until once again I arrived at the bottom end of the cleft. There I stopped to inspect the Druid's gift. 
          The first thing that I noticed was that in some strange way the light had changed.  It was as if the night had passed and the day had returned.  At the same time it seemed as if this new light was localised to the area in which I stood.  Furthermore, the rock chippings had undergone a remarkable transformation.  They had joined to form a composite of intensely beautiful amethyst crystals, purple and surrounded by a circlet of milky white.  They seemed to hold such mystery and purity in their depths.  They were life in inanimate form, were both weak and strong.

          I began to try to prise the crystal structure apart until my fingers began to bleed with the effort, and my finger bones began to break under the strain, yet I felt no pain.  So strong was the structure that it defied all my efforts to dismantle it. Then it was that I discovered that I could easily take the structure apart by lovingly willing the component crystals to slide along their fracture planes.  Just as easily I could reassemble the structure.  After continuing to dismantle and reassemble the crystals for some while, I saw at last in the depths of the crystal lattice a golden ring containing a single diamond. At the same time a mist of glittering particles which had emanated from the amethyst crystals, had formed around me.  Yet for all the apparent detritus that had been formed by my playing with the amethyst crystals, the structure had steadily grown larger and ever more beautiful..........

                                                                                   (Extract from a private diary)