Sunday 13 October 2013

And So To Continue

It seems to me that there are two forces operating inside me, each one seeing my developing spiritual life from a different and opposing perspective. On the one hand there is that awareness of Selfness, or consciousness, that suffers under the illusion of its being the bearer of ultimate reality, that sees growth only in terms of being spiritually upwardly mobile, growing and adding to what has gone before. It sees my life as a process of constant acquisition in one form or another. On the other hand, there is that other force, largely unconscious, that is as close to Reality as I can imagine, that sees my spiritual growth as a continual movement downwards, of disposing of, and losing, all the false accretions of my past life.

To describe all that I have experienced since last I submitted a post on this site, would be impossible. Yet it would be enough to fill this site for many weeks to come. In an effort not to make obvious mistakes, I have nevertheless made mistakes. In an effort to reach, at least towards, perfection I have fallen far short, and rightly so. I have set myself goals that were doomed to failure, such as posting every Saturday without fail. At the time of my decision to do that, I thought I was imposing a useful and even necessary discipline on my activities. It would have been better to have concentrated more on the discipline of my daily meditations and other spiritual exercises, and to have written as and when it felt appropriate. In deciding to drop that, and other, strictures on my posts, I have engaged in the process of disposing of, and losing, false accretions. Going backwards and downwards seems to be a thoroughly exhilarating way to go onwards and upwards, as C. S. Lewis phrased it.

Thus it is with what feels to be a tentative, even perhaps nervous, post I am continuing where I left off last month. It feels good to be coming back.

16 comments:

  1. Welcome back, Tom. I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing such deep struggles between seeming opposite sides of your spiritual journey. Perhaps you are trying too hard... but I'm not one to say so, really, as I'm not on the same journey.

    Wishing smoother sailing ahead, and never mind a schedule for posting here. I used to try to post two or three times a week but after almost 10 years, I've slowed down.

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  2. Reality should be simpler than make it out to be when we attempt to describe it. Many thoughts reflected back as always. "The act of observing changes the thing being observed." "Less is more." and most important "very good to have you back Tom"

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  3. Very good to see you're back, Tom.

    I'm at (another) beginning of trying to determine what my journey is all about. I've come to think of my struggles with the process as the most necessary part of it. I don't ask questions of myself when all is going well - only when they aren't going as I'd like, or as I'm comfortable with.

    I learn from your questioning your journey, your processing of your life. Glad you have returned to it.

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  4. Good morning, and thank you for your welcome back. Actually this short break has done me a great deal of good. I certainly feel more relaxed.

    I tend to agree, Martha, that the process is the most necessary part of the journey. In any event it is certainly something we need to engage with. The process, Marja-Leena, isn't as bad for me as it might sound. To attempt to climb upwards against spiritual gravity is much harder than letting go and letting gravity take one where it will; particularly when there are such positive gains to be had. And Halle, I do feel sometimes that there are stronger links between the deeper world of the spirit and the world of modern physics. Somewhere "up there" I'm certain they meet.

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  5. Tom, I love the honesty, the no-bullshit approach that you apply both to your own thinking process and to the expression of it here. This is an important quality, to be treasured and nurtured.

    You chose well when you took Gwynt as your logo and blog name: the eagle soars high and free in the stratosphere but is also constrained by the demands of earth and of its species - the need to find nourishment and therefore the 'acquisitiveness' of hunting.

    Looking forward to reading you again if you've posted by the time I get back from France. I'm off tomorrow.

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  6. Natalie; Lovely to be in contact again, and thank you for your complimentary comment. Wish you well on your trip over to this side of the 'ditch'. Bon voyage, and travel safely.

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  7. Rouchswalwe, indeed! A very telling comment! :)

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  8. Eventually you will find your pace, if there is one. I am big on the idea of the calling. Blogging is central to mine and has been for a while. I post as frequently as I do because the nature of my posts are in the center. Also the exercise of posting and the placing of the work before some kind of public eye are also central. This is like going to work day after day, no? Only I enjoy the work mostly and my boss is gentler these days than my day job boss was.

    No my boss is not me.

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  9. Our minds have an almost uncanny ability to sabotage efforts of inner work in our efforts to break through into a deep personal awakening. Making the journey requires extraordinary sincerity and willingness to be deeply honest - a sense of humor is also essential.

    Ram Dass once said, 'It's not how often you fall down in life, it's the way you pick yourself up that matters'.

    I'm very happy you've invited us to share part of your journey with you with the understanding that there are, and likely always will be, sections that must be walked alone.

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  10. I am very pleased to know that I will be able to continue reading here.

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  11. Christopher; I have probably said it before, but I do appreciate the sharing of your wisdom with me. Thank you again for that and for much more.

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  12. Susan; There are moments that make me shiver, when a comment is so to the point that it is as if it were spoken from somewhere inside me, but not by me. That shiver is exactly what I felt when I read your comment. My thanks to you and to who/whatever spoke from inside me.

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  13. Yes, what Susan said.

    I just read a book by the Franciscan contemplative/teacher Richard Rohr which may speak to the paradox you describe. He titles it "Falling Upward."

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  14. Beth; Thank you. I finally saw a new way of looking at falling into that vortex that is God. Interesting title, "Falling Upward", not too dissimilar from floating downward.

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