Wednesday 21 January 2015

An Experience of Inner Baptism

          It has been said that we can do nothing to effect our own psycho-spiritual redemption;  that we are totally in the hands of some deity or other, possibly capricious, power. If this were the case, we could not really be said to be responsible for what we do, and could fall back on that comfort-cushion of "I'm only a human being." The truth is that we can do something about our inner lives, although it must be added that the outcomes may not be within our spiritual control.
          In my previous post I talked about the experience of taking an honest and searching inventory of myself, a process that was taken as deeply as I was able to go. That was a process that I was able to instigate, something for which I was able to take responsibility. Yet what I discovered was that two processes were put into effect, the second one being the natural outcome of the one for which I had assumed responsibility. A word had flittered into my head from time to time, and just as readily departed. I never really paid that word much attention, but in the end it was to underline what the whole process of inventory-taking had been about. That word was denial, more precisely the eradication of psychological denial. Without the removal of my denial, it would have been impossible to gain any perspective on truth.
          The more I thought about it, the more I realised that to become free from denial was perhaps the single, greatest step I could take towards spiritual healing. This "process of becoming", in which my inner world of denial, of laying bare the games, tricks and machinations of my ego, was revealed as a process of ever-increasing enlightenment which lay deeper than I could have voluntarily accessed. In short, my inner world had undergone a process of purification.
          With this thought in mind, I set about doing a pathworking (along the lines of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius) which involved experiencing the baptism of Jesus of Nazareth, with as much attention to detail as I could manage. Usually, I have no problems with this kind of exercise, but on this occasion another experience imposed itself on my consciousness. I will quote from my pathworking diaries as follows:-

"..........Before me stood a high pyramid of steps, a series of platforms of ever-decreasing size. At the top, on a level with the faces of the Lords of Karma, stood a lectern holding the closed Book of Life, and a high-backed chair. When I stood at the lectern and asked my question, 

"Have I made sufficient amends for the hurts I have caused, and if not what more can I do?"

the cover of the Book sprang open and the pages flipped over as if driven by a powerful wind. There were snatches of gold writing, but nothing that I could focus on, or understand. In seconds the Book had closed once more, so I sat and waited.
          After a while, blood began to seep from between the pages of the Book, running out onto the white-covered, altar-like table that the lectern had become. Then, what appeared to be a hazy cloud of golden stardust showered twinkling down on to the blood and absorbed it, leaving the table pristine clean once more.
          The pyramid of steps had disappeared, to be replaced by an invisible path still on the level of the Lords faces. As I hurried between them everything went dark. All that could be seen was a single old figure with a light shining down on him. I knelt before him and asked for forgiveness for all the hurt I had caused. He blessed me, and I left that place.........."

          In this pathworking, I needed to know about the follow-up to the taking of my personal inventory, namely whether I had made sufficient amends. I do not believe that life offers rewards or punishments for what I do. But there will always be consequences, and I needed to face those consequences. I think this pathworking is quite clear. Again, a purification process had taken place.
          When I review my experience which I have discussed in this, and in the previous, essay it seems to me that it is reasonable to conclude that I have undergone an inner baptism or purification. This "washing away" process has its counterpart in the baptism of Jesus as lived by the mythological Christ. Gradually it is becoming clear that the inner Christological life of the Nazarene can be seen as a blueprint for anyone choosing to follow a spiritual path. Of course, my life is not his, nor his life mine. Yet there are points of similarity that point to a common set of forms of inner experience which can be entered into by anyone, whether or not they claim to be agnostic, atheistic or religious. It is, I believe, this common form of inner experience that can be inclusive of everyone that could be the best counter to the divisiveness so prevalent in today's world.

12 comments:

  1. Hi Tom
    A beautifully written and emotive post that gives credence to the idea that maybe in modernity we tend to be too reliant on purely reason to explain our state of being. So that by returning to our spiritual roots, without the need for dogma, the opportunity for crucial self-examination offers an enhanced way forward as you so aptly describe. That is what I see in the relevance and reality from your spiritually uplifting experience/ application. Even to add, I might suggest, an added appreciation of our own mind and body.
    Best wishes

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    1. Lindsay; Thank you for your comment. It would appear that our thoughts are in tune on the matter I have tried to describe. It is difficult to describe the sense of wonder and clarity - though not always understanding - that accompanies experiences like this, as well as their sense of inner authority. And therein, of course, lies a need for circumspection.

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  2. Tom, I wondered whether in your pathworking you choose symbols and images of particular traditions - such as Lords of Karma, pyramid, Book of Life etc - or if they appear unbidden in your mind? I ask this question because in a meditative state, I can't see any images at all and even if I tell myself "I'm walking by the sea..." or any other instruction, it's very difficult to actually visualise anything So I'm awe-struck by the clarity and detail of your inner journeys.

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    1. Dear Natalie; I don't really know how to respond here, yet I sense a level frustration that I must try to address. Let me begin with the principles behind the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius. He will suggest various passages from the Bible and ask you to imagine yourself in that environment. It does require the exercise of the imagination, as if the process is happening to you rather than being an independent observer. In the example you give, you need to imagine what it is actually like to walk by a sea; to feel the sand, gravel or what-have-you, under your feet; to 'hear' the sound of the shooshing water as it breaks on the seashore; to feel the breeze, warm or cold; to hear the slap of lines on the masts of yachts (if that is to be part of your experience).

      When in earlier posts I described the experience of the Nativity, it began by my being 'embedded' in the surroundings relative to Jesus' birthplace. But very quickly, something more deeply inside me 'took over' to change or enhance the experience. The final confrontation with what I assume to be the Christform had little to do with the physicality of the baby's birth in Bethlehem. It is a process to which I allude in "Something Extraordinary" on my side bar.

      I know very little about Ancient Egyptian mythology, yet the bringing of my attention to the Lords of Karma incident (I recorded only a part of that experience here) was as if some----- was speaking to me through a visual symbolism that was relevant from 'its' point of view. At that time, and at others before and since, it was as if I were open to this benign and welcomed intrusion.

      Under normal meditative conditions, this form of imagery is not so readily accessed as when I am doing a pathworking. In a state of attempted contemplation it never occurs of course. When I am mulling over a problem, a passage from the Bible or other book, a myth or legend, or whatever my chosen topic is, then I begin to 'see'.

      There is one aspect to all this that I am loathe to accept, and that is that I in some way have a 'gift'. Yet trawling back through past workshops and courses, I do recall that many people do experience the kind of problems you describe. I always thought everybody could access this kind of experience. I certainly do have an active imagination which I practise constantly, but at no time do I choose symbols and images of particular traditions, although given a particular setting, e.g. the Nativity, I do try to 'see' the place as I imagine it might be. How accurate that might be is anyone's guess. In that particular instance, the appearance of a stone crib, so symbolically akin to a sarcophagus or a rock cave, was something I neither expected nor planned.

      If I can offer any more help in trying to answer any further questions you may have, please contact. I will do my best.

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  3. Now I believe you have it. The alleged teachings of Jesus can be compared to many elements of the philosophies of many "teachers" of widely different persuasions. But they all seem to preach the same messages. If only the disparate peoples could see and agree to that.

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    1. Bruce; I couldn't agree with you more. The universality of "spiritual" teachings is something that holds such promise of a way forward. But until "disparate peoples see and agree" we are doomed to get bogged down in blind, destructive sectarianism. Your comment is much appreciated.

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  4. On those occasions when you present one of your path-working visions I always find myself in awe of your skills at seeing and interpreting the lessons you work so hard to access. At a deep level I see that you're likely correct in your understanding of how the process must work.

    My own experience recently has found me in dream situations where I'm willing to actively confront what would previously have been frightening. Last night, for instance, a friend fell into a dark tunnel in the ground and, rather than my dream self switching to another sequence, I followed (pushing on through tighter spaces) in order to help her. I awoke this morning still considering the dream and the vision of her lying at the bottom of a clear pool, seemingly asleep next to another young woman who may have been me.

    Once again I must say I'm glad you share these journals with us, Tom. However dissimilar our experiences may be, you've become very much a part of my own learning path.

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    1. Susan my friend; What can I say, except that I am honoured to be part of your learning path. The dissimilarities are, I think, unimportant. It is the willingness to go where we are being led, if not fearlessly then fearfully. But to go is what is important. (Maybe you and the friend are different aspects of the one self?)

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  5. Many thanks for your clear reply, Tom. I think that the way imagination works is different for each person and the differences are not only cultural but also depend on the role imagination plays in one's life. As a full-time visual artist, imagination is a tool I constantly use but one that needs physical means of expression: pencils, brushes, paints, paper etc. I don't have mental pictures before I start working but images do sometimes appear out of nowhere if I have the right tools in my hands. Maybe that's why purely mental imaging, such as you describe so well, doesn't happen for me. But reading your inner journeys has made me realise that my own 'pathworking' takes a different form, in actual images on paper, canvas or other material. This is an enlightening discovery and I thank you for it very much. It will make me look again at certain images I've done and 'read' them in a different way.

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    1. Natalie; Thank you for your response. It is making me look again at my pathworking ability. To say I loathe the idea that I have a 'gift' which implies some degree of specialness, was somewhat over the top perhaps. But the idea does cause me some disquiet. The question is, "Why should it do so?" I think I have to look again and perhaps cherish this ability that I have more than I have done so in the past.

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  6. Your experience is consistent with the etymology of the word, baptism, which in Greek means to both immerse and wash away. I do identify with denial as a defense against the mistakes one makes that compound to haunt reflection, thought, meditation. These are processes in conflict. There are times, though, when I can sense the histories I've created with my life are salvageable because the present offers a point --perhaps like a pyramid apex-- to adjust things for the better, The present, after all, is composed of events and their influence never ends. Time washes over us, and we are part of time --the events of our lives-- and we can always seek futures that best include us by including the best that is in us.

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    1. Yes Geo, I agree. And taking responsibility for attempting adjustments, for effecting those processes which lead, not only to our redemption but, to our atonement is down to us as conscious ego-beings. Once I reached a stage of understanding denied me as a child, I found the belief that I could dump my responsibilities onto some other poor unfortunate - even if they did name him Jesus the Christ - totally abhorrent. To thus attempt to dump responsibility is in many ways a dehumanising process. One of my greatest and deeply moving experiences has been the discovery of positive character traits from my "moral inventory", that there was a "best" in me worth having.

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