At this point I will reproduce an unpublished blog post of mine, written in 2022.(11)
After my experiences of deeply probing my inner world [Into the Enchanted Forest Parts 1 & 2] I tried to determine whether I had reached the limits of my descent.
"..........It seems to be very difficult to descend any lower into the spiritual depths of my being. In the darkness, there is a very powerful sense of protective wings, the presence of some emanating Spirit. There is also an awareness of vast energies present, a three-dimensional world interacting with the two dimensions of another. I feel so small, so very vulnerable. I am in the presence, or embodiment, of some enigma that keeps watch over an ultimate meaning which must remain for ever beyond my understanding.........."
I cannot describe that experience; only report on a memory, albeit a flawed memory, of that experience. But I needed to probe, to confront whatever might exist in the depths of my Self. All that I could offer I willingly laid before me. And, finally, there was an answer, a series of visual metaphors....
"..........It was as if I were experiencing a waking dream. There hung before me an Equal-armed Cross. At the place where the horizontal arm crossed the vertical there hung a Rose. There at the point of paradox, where there was neither horizontal nor vertical, yet also both, hung a great symbol of ..... perfection and love. I approached the Rose and saw, at its centre, a window, a ..... lens ..... that offered a glimpse into the depths of the Abyss beyond.
I stop before the lens; feeling some kind of tensionless tension. This is the source of ..... not danger exactly ..... unease, apprehension perhaps. If that lens should break, if that ..... portal should open, I would be at the mercy of the dark, divine light, which must surely wash me away. That would feel terrifying. Light out of darkness; the terrible abyss.........."
Is there, in me, a soul? There are no cast-iron certainties in this universe, only probabilities. The only worthwhile question to ask is whether that assumed-to-exist soul is healthy or unhealthy. Does it enjoy a plenitude of love, or is it undernourished? Is it a living force, or is it dying? Is it destitute and weak: has it, indeed, sunk into a state of spiritual dementia?
A lens, the means by which .....the Infinite can be focused on the soul, but which can also become flawed by a psycho-spiritual cataract, the illusions of the ego, appears to be an interface between the soul and the divine abyss. But there is a 'cure' for the cataract, and it lies along the Paths of the Dark Night.
(11) 2022 Blog Post - unpublished
Might the word itself - soul - be part of the difficulty in examining this matter. Within, there is a part of me that is clearly different from that which others observe of me. It is private not for any undesirable reasons but rather because it deals with the work-in-progress that I am. The subjects it addresses differ from day to day, sometimes from second to second. Very little of it could be regarded as fixed because the outside world - from which I am constantly gathering new stimuli - is not fixed. Occasionally, and definitely not for public consumption, I test myself against subjects which the outside world would regard as controversial; I re-examine forbidden topics: are they still anathema to me (as I might have proclaimed publicly). Are my opinions still the truth as I perceive the truth. Are my standards changeable?
ReplyDeleteSince I have undergone three cancer-related operations within the last two years it's a fair bet I haven't much longer to live. Once this prospect might have coloured the nature of my thoughts, might have forced death's prospect into the forefront of my mind. Quite astonishingly I am able to not think about this for long periods. All my life I've hated clichés because they are noise babble, distant from the products of a working mind. And yet I find myself at the centre of a cliché; I am 87 and living in death's territory. How can I argue with - even resent - the imminence of death? To do so would would be illogical and I have a wish to be logical.
So I am, if you like, adaptable. Though if you and I were talking to each that might not be your iimpression of me. Admittedly I've given you some hints about me above but they may already be out of date. If I stopped to think - keeping my thoughts to myself - I may already be wondering whether they say anything truthful that could be consumed by those outside.
What I have within is a wireless receiver, a mirror with a prism's power to refract, a translating mechanism that doesn't willingly accept information as it is offered, a sensitive pad which may respond viscerally to joy and sadness, an itch that is a hunger to know more. I can't - at this moment at least - wrap all this up in the flexible baggage known as a soul. The word has beeen corrupted for me over the years, it presumes adhesion to subjects I cannot agree to. Maybe what I have could be covered by a soundbite: AI for humans. Give me time and I'll come up with something slightly more poetic.
Sorry to drop in on what is seemingly a longstanding tug-of-war between you and what I would call both the outside world and the supernatural. You may almost certainly have tackled cases like mine; I am unique in one sense, not at all unique in the wider sense. But you are serious and I'm frequently in need of that.
Hello Robbie,
ReplyDeleteLovely to hear from you. Very busy at present, prepping for a visit from friends coming to a curry lunch. Will certainly get back to you as soon as possible.
Yes, I agree that the mere mention of the word 'soul' presents a difficulty, even if it is only its association with other religious images. "Are my opinions still the truth?" Not necessarily, I would say. Although truth can be passed on through opinion. I think it all depends on the source, and that brings me back to this word 'soul'.
ReplyDeleteAt the very heart-and-soul of a sentient creature (and I base this on years of inner pathworking) there is that which is aware of Reality; a local reality maybe, but it's a start. It appears to be intermediate between a view 'downwards' towards the ego-personality, over which it has a limited influence, and a view 'upwards' towards ......?? .....maybe towards a more universal, cosmic Reality?
I have quoted someone as saying, "There is nothing I can do, yet there is something I must do." That something which I must do is, in my experience, to challenge all my assumptions, delusions, illusions etc. to rid myself of falsity and psychological denial. What I cannot do is to control the development of the process that emerges from that path of challenge. As time passes, one is less inclined to be seriously affected by issues 'out there' and more inclined to be influenced by ones inner world. With that inner movement, I have moved closer to a Reality (the soul) without which I would have been unable to survive as a 'sane' (another word subject to corruption) spiritual person.
For me, religion, in particular Christianity, implanted a symbol system which has been able to be used to gain a measure of enlightenment. However, in my latter years I learned that that is all it is, a tool to be used wisely. There are other tools available, more suited to our use perhaps. In the end, even the tools must be discarded in order to experience directly, Truth, Reality.
I could go on, but I doubt that I could state my position more clearly, simply because I do not have the words to speak the unspeakable. I welcome your input to my post. It has made me address again what I mean by such contentious words, such as 'soul'. Of course I am no nearer to defining the indefinable, but that is in the nature of things. But the sense of peace is not dependent on getting answers, only on doing that which I must do --- facing reality in all its forms.