Saturday 2 November 2013

Why Gwynt?

Most of what I write is based on what wells up from the unknown depths of my Self, rather than that which comes out of my planning, controlling intellect. My intellect must be a tool, not my inspiration. Those statements would appear to answer the question expressed in the title of this post, but only in part. Whether my ego-selfness is the controlling factor in why I continue to write here, an ego that somehow appears to drag my deeper/higher Self along with it, or whether my deeper Self urges me to write, and uses my ego as a conducive element, I am uncertain. Perhaps my motives can only be determined from what I gain from my posts.

Since posting, "A Matter of Truth" I have taken the opportunity to stand back and re-read it, as if from a position "once removed." A number of points have arisen from this examination. First, it lacked the feeling and fervour that I felt prior to the actual task of writing; second, only two points really stood out for me, that Truth was a deep experience and that that experience lay not in the words themselves but beyond those words; third, that there is a very good reason for seeing one's own words in print, a reason which I will come to momentarily.

It happens that when one becomes accustomed to mulling over a topic, over a period of time, one's thinking can become sloppy and dishonest. I use the word "dishonest" with care, but without the emotive baggage that usually accompanies that word. One's thoughts may glide over a point without checking it for truthful accuracy. In time that flawed thought may come to guide one's assessment of a truth. Inevitably, that truth itself becomes flawed. However, if I write my thoughts down, I begin a process whereby the correctness of what I write is examined, and as my writing is further examined by an external reader, it places an extra onus on me to get things correct. In short, it is a way of allowing one part of myself to speak to another part of myself, a well-known technique used in counselling.

Thus it is that my primary reason for Gwynt appears to be about discovering, and having discovered not to dilute, my deepest innermost truths. Now my sense of selfness, or ego, is less interested in truth than in its own survival. Therefore that which initiates the search for truth is of a quite different order. Words are necessary for the development of this process, but they, like the ego, must assume their proper role. To worship the words, as so often appears to be the case with sacred writings of one form or another, is nothing short of idolatry.   

It is strange, but when I write from my depths it feels as if a wound is opened. That wound is not closed and healed until another written submission is placed before my readers. This, I feel, is a good enough reason for posting, "Why Gwynt?"

21 comments:

  1. I have great admiration in how you can put into words such inner experiences, Tom. The intellectual in you, it seems to me, is very supportive of describing your spiritual journey. You have found the balance.

    I've also wondered what the word "Gwynt" means. Perhaps you've already answered that and I've missed it, though I believe I've read each of your posts.

    (By the way, I see on your blog list that I haven't posted in two weeks. Not true - perhaps you may need to update the RSS since I transferred to another platform. Let me know if you have any problems.)

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  2. What I connected with here, especially, was your statement about "a wound opening." I used to know when I was speaking from my depths because I would actually start trembling. Anything less and I became suspect that I was intellectualizing, trying to impress, or worse. But we keep talking and writing, and so much of it is talking "around" the truth, because it's so damn hard to speak directly of what we "know", which is ineffable, and often the stuff of paradox which can't be expressed directly or ordinarily at all. It would be interesting to talk about how we know the truth when we HEAR it, instead!

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  3. Gwynt is a Welsh word meaning, or relating to, air. Transferred to the inner world of imagery, air relates to Spirit, which is the basis of my blog. "First Post on a New Blog", my first post on April 20th. of this year gives a few more details.

    We have tried to update, but appear to be somewhat unsuccessful. My blogroll gives your latest post as being two weeks ago, but a subsequent post has just appeared. I believe Lucy will be e-mailing you tomorrow.

    Now I will return to the first paragraph of your comment, and thank you for that. I do find blogging difficult because it demands so much of one's innerness.

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  4. Beth, and I thought I was the only one who trembled and shivered when talking of such matters. Every word you have written rings bells loudly and clearly. My deepest thanks for your comment.

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  5. Ah! Zhoen has it!

    Your post made me think (sorry about this) of Garrison Keillor . . . an author, story-teller and creator of a Public Radio program called "A Prairie Home Companion." He refers to himself as a professional liar. And he's done quite well at it.

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  6. From what I've been able to understand it seems absolutely essential in a spiritual practice to balance meditative quiet with inquiry. Doubt and questioning are usually downplayed in many teachings while 'witnessing' is the work encouraged. You're wise to write in a journal in order to clarify your understandings.

    What I'm wondering now, Tom, is what is your thinking about participating in group practice? I don't do so myself but it seems like a good idea to have a small group of other people with whom one could share deeper experiences. Self-transformation is undoubtedly about our psychology and that's tricky ego ground.

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  7. Thank you, Tom, I went back to that first post and I did remember then that I'd read it.

    Odd, that problem with updating. I've seen the same on a few other blogs. It took some effort for me as well to get it to work In Feedly, one of my RSS readers. Must ask my tech help and perhaps we'll find an answer for you. Anyway, sorry to distract with such mundane earthly matters.

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  8. Recording one's mullings tends to (it is happening right now as I do this) slow and focus and yes, make the thoughts more honest.
    These records may not be permanent, but the illusion of permanence makes it harder to be dishonest, don't you think?
    Once that thought is in the record and is judged to be as credible as slow and focused thought can make it, I let it ride the wind.
    Long may it be so for you Tom!

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  9. Zhoen, Why not indeed. I was aware of a certain ambiguity in the title, which you and Bruce have picked up on. So I now have a well-rounded set of comments.

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  10. Bruce; It isn't entirely clear to me why I remind you of Garrison Keillor, but then your perceptions (truth?) need not coincide with mine. :)

    He seems to be and erudite and amiable fellow, and I do find his quotes worth reading. Thanks for the reference.

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  11. Susan; I agree with what you say about balance in one's spiritual life. That is often difficult to achieve because it in certain ways dependent upon our psychological make-up. Furthermore, to achieve what we were perhaps born to achieve, unitive experience of our Ground of Being, requires - almost necessarily - an adherence to a certain kind of path. Even so, that there are other paths being followed by other people is a point which needs to be remembered, for the sake of our own balance if nothing else.

    As far as group practice is concerned, from my experience it can be something of a hit-or-miss affair. When ego-agendas dominate, group practice suffers badly. It only really works when everyone has a common psychological/spiritual agenda. One of the joys of blogging is that one can find, as I have done, people who have experienced what I have experienced, and choose to talk about those experiences. In effect, the people who comment here all have something pertinent to say. People who do not comment either choose not to do so for good reasons of their own, or because they have no interest in the presented posts.

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  12. Marja-Leena; Glad of your "distraction." I'd hate to lose contact with you (which we intend will NOT happen).

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  13. Halle; There is nothing I can add to your observations; what you say is, of course, absolutely correct in my opinion. Susan raised the point about doubt and questioning in her comment above. For me, doubt is a constant companion. (If nothing else, it keeps pride in check!)

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  14. To Everyone; It has been such a joy to read your comments. I always feel, beneath my own human uncertainties, a mix of wonder and excitement at what I read. When those feelings are enhanced by the joy of discovery, my day becomes as close to perfection as is possible.

    I am finding that this post - which was written rather quickly and off-the-cuff, but with some thought - may well be one which, with its accompanying comments, I will flag, bookmark, or whatever, as one to be referred to again and again.

    Thank you for being here.

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  15. you hit the nail on the head, tom, as usual. blogging takes the unexamined (or sloppily examined, as one gets filthy up to the elbows in the muck sometimes) and allows things to be laid out more cleanly.

    so often when i write i learn new things about what i thought was already an old and well worn topic. and for some reason, hitting the "publish" button allows me to see it freshly again.

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  16. Agnieszka; It is that discovery of new things about apparently well-established truths - which turn out to be a little wide of the mark - that I find is all the justification that is needed for writing something that someone else will see.

    I love a life in which new truths, and old truths seen in a different light, continually pop up, sometimes quite unexpectedly.

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  17. I just arrived here and have read twice and ask "can we find our innermost truth when our question is answered by ourselves, can one question wrong and find a wrong truth?"
    I hope your body is feeling good again after the fall.

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  18. Ellena; I'll have to think about that. On the matter of my knee injury, today I went out for my first slow walk - with a stick. Tiring but pain free.

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  19. Hallo Tom! I've read and thought about your October posts. And now I'm ready to jump back into the conversation. Forgive me for hanging back and simply listening and nodding. I need to be the silent observer at times.

    I'm so happy you're slowly walking with no pain. My recent bout with knee trouble also brought me to the point of "walking again" and I pondered what that meant in my life. Deep questions and writing from "my depths" ... and wounds. Your words have touched me and the questions are just forming in my stomach. Thank you, Tom!

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  20. Rouchswalwe; So lovely to have you back. It seems to me sometimes that, although I do not believe we are either punished or rewarded for what we do, the events in our temporal lives may have more to teach than we sometimes give them credit for. There are times, I know, when I need to slow down, take a breather.

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