For those who may not have heard of Miss Armstrong, she is an ex-nun. Whilst living in her convent she discovered that she had a real problem with God in that no communication developed between them. I have to say that there were moments when reading her account of her search for herself, when my heart bled for her. In saying that, I realise that I was also bleeding for myself, for my own early experiences of living in a 'born again', Victorian household. As I have indicated elsewhere, I never stopped believing that there had to be some experience or process [but never a some-thing or some-one] in this vast universe that could be called God. I simply turned away from what seemed in those earlier years to be an irrelevance in my life.
For some time now I feel as if I have been living in a spiritual desert. These are difficult times to live through even though they are also times when something profound is taking place at a deep level. All sorts of experiential clues arise to nudge one towards a course of action that needs to be undertaken. "The Spiral Staircase," and even a television series of space fantasy, were two such clues that I discovered. But pride of place has to be given to the book, the television series playing a secondary, but strong, supporting role.
As I have already said, I find myself in a place of wanting. I want to continue to write here about matters that are of prime interest to me; matters of the psycho-spiritual. I also find myself in a place of forbidding. Deeply spiritual experience needs to be guarded and explored most gently in secret and silence. I have in the past tried to share much that I have experienced, because behind those experiences I have felt a new reality far beyond the realism of the material world. Now I need to move on from that approach. Where this new phase of my inner journey will lead I know not. I only know that lonely and fearsome though the way may be, it must be attempted. The process of renewal allows for nothing less.
As it is unlikely that I will post again before Christmas, may I wish for the very best to all my readers for the coming festivities, whether they be a celebration of a Christian festival, any other religious festival of which I am unaware, or simply a pagan celebration of midwinter.
As you know, Tom, I am not a believer. But I respect your beliefs and your never-ending search for meaning(?). I know something of that type of search and can understand the oft appearing frustration involved in it. Regardless of our philosophical differences, I hope you will allow me to wish you and yours a very Happy Christmas.
ReplyDeleteHullo Bruce; It is the respect we show each others attitudes to life that is so important. Your seasonal wishes are most welcome. A very happy Christmas to SWIMBO and family also.
DeleteHi Tom,
ReplyDeleteNot much I could add other than to wish you and yours best wishes for Christmas. All I can offer is how I find certain things make sense to me, which of course is subjective and open to debate. In that respect I think we are only half free, but within that freedom of what life offers are alternatives so that at each stage in life therein is a capacity for more responsible or better actions. So that even just a few fleeting glimpse of what we perceive as God's “modus operandi…must, by necessity, remain inscrutable. Just a few odd experiences here and there are just enough to keep one interested. The spiritual dessert is the norm we must go through, just as life is a mystery and often a struggle gifted as we are with our wills to respond as we see fit.
I think it’s a bit like good breathing – you can’t see what’s going within our minds and bodies but the results over time are going to benefit you.
So I’m sure your contemplations have a beneficial effect one way or another, on those to whom you come into contact far more than your realise.
Best wishes
Hi Lindsay,
DeleteThank you for the Christmas greetings. I agree that it is indeed like good breathing; it brings much grace in its wake. Thank you in particular for your final thought. I do trust that benefits are shared.
ah, god's silence is what ultimately led me to discard him. i admire your commitment to this journey.
ReplyDeleteand a merry christmas to you and to lucy (and to elfie, too, of course)!
I wonder, when people find themselves in that position, whether it is God they expect an answer from, or some construct of their own that they call God. The problem here is that, certainly in the case when I was a child, I was taught what God was by my father and the Church. What they taught bore little resemblance to any reasonable attempt at reality. This was usually because their God mimicked a person - with all the faults and negatives that that implies. Just a thought!
DeleteAnd thank you for your Christmas greetings.
i think that is the heart of the problem with most religions - we make god in our petty angry small-minded image, at best bureaucrat; at worst, a tyrant.
Deletewhen i was still seeking him, i wanted something, anything, but i'd have settled for a nice old fashioned miracle. alas, nothing came.
Life is not over; the universe has not come to a shuddering halt. There is yet time for old fashioned miracles, even in this cynical world.
DeleteTom – indeed, from the shock of the home fire and ensuing challenges it seems to me that maybe an inner strength to share has emerged from all that chaos and ashes. May that same glint of gratitude as I perceive it , enable a half filled glass to become half full; for some of that warranted pessimism a fearful world view to be filled with renewed hope and peace to you and all your thoughtful readers as we embrace the festive season.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lindsay.
DeleteI'm most gratified to know Karen Armstrong's 'Spiral Staircase' caught and held your attention, Tom. While I'm not sure where I read it I do recall her saying that only when she was reading the words of certain spiritually mature people would she feel slight frissons of enlightenment. It was a feeling I found familiar.
ReplyDeleteJ. Krishnamurti was one of the most unique of all the teachers who came to the West from India in the 20th Century. The biography written by his friend, Pupul Jayakar, has biographical details and thoughtful discussions of his teachings which are are still difficult to grasp because they are essentially radical critiques of the current thinking of both Western intellectuals as well as popular, religious and political culture.
“Thought can only come to an end when the thinker understands himself, when he sees that the thinker and the thought are not two separate processes. That the thinker is the thought, and the thinker separates himself from thought for his self-protection and continuance. So the thinker is continually producing thought which is transforming and changing.”
Wishing you and Lucy a peaceful holiday season.
and a biscuit for Elfie :)
Hello Susan; I should add that not only did I read, "The Spiral Staircase" from cover to cover, but was moved to read her, "The Bible - The Biography". My inner jury is still out as to what I do about what I found there. Frissons of enlightenment are a joy to experience.
DeleteI know next to nothing about Eastern teachers, which means I tend to rely - somewhat unlearnedly - on quotes such as the intriguing one you offer in your comment.
Thank you for your seasonal wishes; a biscuit will be offered in your name, without fail.
I started to read Out of the Silence, Terry Waite, in the garage waiting room, which was unwise as I kept tearing up. I wonder if his faith is... analogous(?) to yours. At any rate, it's beautiful writing, moving, and powerful.
ReplyDeletehttp://books.telegraph.co.uk/Product/Terry-Waite/Out-of-the-Silence--Memories-Poems-Reflections/19603819
I cannot answer your question Zhoen, though I suspect it is rhetorical. Of course Terry Waite and I come from opposite sides of the fence so to speak. He is a Christian well embedded in the Church or England, whilst I cannot make that claim. However, it is my experience that when people go beyond the forms - religious or otherwise - there comes a place of meeting where the forms no longer matter. I note that you use words like beautiful, moving and powerful. That is where it's at.
DeleteNo, I wasn't being rhetorical at all. I honestly wondered if your beliefs are akin to his. He definitely expresses doubt. He may have been in the church offices, but seems to see his beliefs... well, differently, as far as I understand him.
DeleteSorry I mistook you, Zhoen. One of the things that continues to surprise me, often because it comes from "church" people, is the level of questioning that takes place about traditional ways of thinking about matters religious. Somewhere along the line, if genuine enlightenment is sought, I think we are bound to find those meeting points - and beliefs - that we are seeking.
DeleteGot to the end of the book, and he reports that he is now a Quaker. While remaining at some level Anglican. So, a Quanglican.
DeleteBetter than being an Angliquak! :)
DeleteTom, as always, I find myself nodding appreciatively. Especially, this time, at:
ReplyDelete".. This was usually because their God mimicked a person - with all the faults and negatives that that implies."
I have often wondered, when some people say that they 'lost their faith' or that God doesn't reply, if it was because their perception of God was of a person, with all human characteristics. Certainly the Bible encourages this perception. But while I have no idea of what God actually is, I am convinced that whatever God may be, it is definitely nothing like a person. So why should I expect to have human-like replies from such an unknowable source? And still, I believe that It exists and is as real as anything is real. What evidence do I have? All the evidence I need.
By the way, in answer to Susan: I met Krishnamurti and went to several of his talks in Switzerland and elsewhere, and have read much of his work. He was an extraordinary individual and teacher and not at all belonging to a particularly Eastern tradition - on the contrary, he controversially opposed following any 'traditional' modes of thinking. At one talk I remember him looking around at the audience (many of whom would be 'followers') and saying something like: "Why are you all here again? Once you've got the point, that's it. No need to come back!" He was against the whole 'Guru'thing, even though many people continued to treat him as such. Tom, I'll gladly send you one of his books, if you wish. I think you'd find his approach interesting.
Meanwhile, warmest Christmas wishes to you and Lucy. A card is on the way but will be late as usual.
Dear Natalie; Thank you for your response. I have never read anything by Krishnamurti but would welcome something of his to read.
DeleteThank you for your Christmas wishes. There is a card on its way to you also, but with industrial action taking place in the UK, have no idea when it will reach you.
Thank you, Tom, for your always thoughtful writings. Wishing you and Lucy a peaceful and joyful Christmas season.
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure, Marja-leena, and thank you. I wasn't certain that you would pass a comment or post on your blog site, so my Christmas wishes to you were appended on Susan's latest post.
Delete