Loss of Self-Awareness Through Anger

          This pathworking began as a struggle. I did not seem to have enough to make it meaningful; and everything was so shallow, with only very obvious observations. Then suddenly:-

"..........I am in an underground, stone room, a castle dungeon maybe, though it is spotlessly clean and well lit. I am hammering furiously on the flagstoned floor with my wooden staff, trying to get somewhere. Suddenly, the floor explodes downwards and I am in a dimly lit cosmos.

A galaxy "snaps" into place before me, shining with such a brilliant, white light that I can barely look at it. Although it is very close to me, I can just about hold the complete galaxy within my cone of vision, as it stretches out to right and left like a pair of stylised wings. Within the globe of stars comprising the centre of the galaxy is a bearded, brilliant face that gives the galaxy its shining power. Now there are other, smaller, less distinct faces. If they are trying to communicate with me, I am unable to hear them.

The flagstoned floor has "snapped" back into place and I am returned to, unceremoniously dumped in, the dungeon.  It is over.........."

          Although I didn't realise it at the time, there are some very important lessons to be learned from this experience. At that time I was feeling frustrated --- yes, angry --- that I was getting nowhere with this pathworking. I had descended into my deep self, my beyond-consciousness, which appeared to contain no undealt-with baggage. How the ego can fool one! Yet there was little enlightenment in that "dimly lit cosmos."

          The words that came to mind, "furiously"; "explodes"; "snaps"; and "snapped", appropriately describe my attitude toward my work on that day. There was also the intimation of great power; and anger is a very powerful emotion. Although anger may provide the necessary energy with which to accomplish the goals of the ego, whether for good or ill, it is useless and inappropriate in the realm of the spirit. All that one is faced with is ..... oneself, one's ego. 

          So often in the past I have, regretfully, come face to face with the many expressions of my own anger and frustration. [Even when I used to sport a beard!] There is no doubt that when in that state, one is unable to ..... "hear" that which one needs to hear. The presence of anger is all-encompassing. Most importantly, when one is strongly identified with the ego, under the spells of the "thinking" and "feeling" functions, and the perceptions that have their origins in those functions, one loses ..... "self-awareness." 

          The interesting thing about that experience is that over time, as I have returned to that experience, I have become increasingly aware of a sense of amusement emanating from my inner teacher. This particular pathworking, certainly not the one I had originally sought, has had a salutary effect on my life. A long time ago, the question was asked of me, "Cannot anger also be part of the spectrum of love?" Somehow, I doubt it.