Metanoia

          When used in the New Testament this word metanoia means change of mind, and goes hand-in-hand with regret and remorse. This was the message of both John the Baptist and Jesus when they called people to repentance. In the Old Testament, repentance appeared to mean something quite different. Interestingly I feel, this change of meaning between the two Testaments also reflects a radical change in the understanding of the nature of God. But discussion of that consideration is beyond this post.
          Repentance as used in the Old Testament is a subject much loved by low church, moralistic, bible-thumping, protestant preachers. The Roman Catholic Inquisition......well let us not dwell on their methods of restoring sinners and backsliders to orthodoxy. Of course, bullying people to recant their heretical urges is not, and I suppose never was, the prerogative of the religious. How would party politics for example survive otherwise?
          One of the essential outcomes of changing one's thinking, in essence admitting one can be wrong, is that one acquires a very different and broadening outlook on life. When one's mode of thinking has become addictive, a state which I fear afflicts most of us in one form or another, that change in thinking, which Jesus continually exhorted his listeners to adopt, can cut to the very heart of psychological denial. For me, that is the essential value of repentance. It requires experiencing regret and remorse, not difficult when that denial is displayed in the glow of enlightenment, because those twin experiences serve to aid the necessary change.
          Once the habitual way of thinking has been broken, regret and remorse will have served their purpose and can be dispensed with. To persist in indulging in them does nothing for the individual except run the risk of slipping into other dysfunctions such as self pity. And this process of metanoia will still need to be continued, for one does not become a perfect as the result of a once and forever act.

New Possibilities

          I must present this as it revealed itself to me. I was puzzled [yet sadly not interested enough for too long to investigate further] by the Church's declaration of truth about the New Testament in the face of the apparently nonsensical, illogical events detailed in that testament. I was also puzzled by the obvious contradictions between the Old and the New Testaments. How could all this be if it was supposed to be eternal truth?
          I became aware, and I am not always a quick learner of spiritual truth, that the four gospels appeared to detail a mythology of the Christ. On further consideration it seemed to me that mythology, an allegorical narrative about the gods, although close to the target might not quite hit the mark. Perhaps legends, traditional stories sometimes popularly regarded as historical but not authenticated, might be closer to the truth. The legends would tell the stories of a man, Jesus the Nazarene, seen from an inner, psycho-spiritual perspective rather than a strictly historical one. St. Paul on one occasion said that the event in Jesus' life to which the apostle was, on one occasion, referring should be seen as an allegory. Because the stories, so rich in symbolism, could be seen from an inner perspective, they might just be telling a deeper story of the Christ as it lived its life through the physical man, Jesus. Not him, but that which lives through him, St. Paul might have said.
          Suddenly, new possibilities began to open in rapid succession, too rapidly to be consigned to my computer in one fell swoop. All my spiritual investigations began to come together to make symbolic sense of what had appeared to be nonsensical, illogical events. Slowly now, I began to realise just what this New Testament to humankind might mean.

The Word of God

          There have been four great religious-philosophical influences in my life. Each of them have had, and continue to have, a major influence on my thinking and my way of life. The first of those influences is Christianity and the Bible, inevitably so since I was raised in a fundamentalist, born again, Christian family. This has been a force both for good and for ill. The second influence is the 'Twelve Step Program of Spiritual Recovery' which started with Alcoholics Anonymous and later adopted by its sister organisation Al-Anon for friends and families of alcoholics, and also - in a modified form - by Narcotics Anonymous. Next came my studies of the Mystical Qabalah, and finally the writings of Father Richard Rohr OFM of New Mexico.
          As a child I was taught that everything should be based on the Holy Bible, the Word of God. In that tome were all the answers to all questions. No other questions existed. The Word was spiritual law, eternal and unchanging. It wasn't until much, much later that I realised that Jesus himself contradicted this unchanging law on a number of occasions. "The prophets said.......but I say unto you......." etc.. Interestingly, when the Church and certain  groups of religious adherents [incidentally, not all Christians by any means] wish to lay down the law on various matters, it seems inevitable that they turn to Old Testament law. Jesus the wisdom teacher rarely or never comes into the picture.
          But there is another meaning to the phrase, Word of God, and one which is of far greater value for the psycho-spiritual life. That Word is spoken of in the famous opening chapter of St. John's gospel:

In the beginning was the Word:
The Word was with God and the Word was God.

I say again, the Word was God, not some dysfunctional ego with divine aspirations. These words are not just idle, biblical jargon for the past but words of profound meaning relevant to modern times. The process of biblical exegesis [Midrash by ancient Judaic authorities] continues today and throws an exciting light on developing spiritual enlightenment. What a great pity it is that so many eyes, both Christian and otherwise [the religious do not have a monopoly on bigotry] still need to be opened; that there are so many who even lack the desire for that opening. Why run away from spiritual pain when the rewards are so great?

About Inner Conversations - An Archive

          I have decided to recommence writing. The surface reason for so doing is to remove the sense of needing to do this thing. The deeper reasons for so doing I am uncertain about. In any case, those reasons lie between me and my inner self. I have realised for quite some time now that putting my thoughts onto private files simply doesn't have the effect that writing a blog post has. It appears that I need to write as if someone else is watching. That observer, an internal presence, appears to be one which is best served by projection onto an outer audience.
          Much that I chose to share in earlier posts will not be produced in this present series of posts. Why would I? My internal observer already accesses that deeper, more intimate information and with 'him' it is safe.
          Thus you my readers, assuming such exist, will be looking into this new archive but with limited access. If you choose to comment, your remarks will be published as they are presented. I hope that some of you will share your experiences and thoughts with me, but there must be no sense of obligation to do so. For my part, I will write as it comes. To place any form of correctness, political or otherwise, on my writing will only block possible paths from which I could benefit. As always, I hope this approach will offer no-one any offence in any form.
          But enough of explanations, a start has been made. I must admit to feeling somewhat rusty [it has been two years since my last post], but relieved. Perhaps already some inner purpose has been realised.

Descent Into Mind

          In my previous-but-one post, "To Travel One's Own Path," I said that there are meditative experiences that are not appropriate to talk about. Yet the outcomes of such experiences may be shared without damaging the essential tissue of the experience. Today's post is one such example. I must describe this experience in religious language because that is how it comes. To describe it in any other form simply introduces an artificial element where none is needed.

".........The outer world can be sensed but only through the agencies of my senses, my brain and mind. In that sense everything is 'out there.' When I travel into my very depths, everything I visualise and record in my memory is still 'out there' insofar as it is outside a Mind beyond the veil of consciousness. I can never consciously contact God, or that totally otherness, directly. Yet there is that which responds to my seeking that feeds those responses through the veil in forms which I can 'see', even if not understand.
  In my most recent journey inwards, I passed beyond the animal [me], the bird, the insect and my botanical connections to my most fundamental elements. Yet even in that place [not I suspect a journey back in time but one down to my deepest connections] there was a sense of presence which intimated a knowledge of what I already was, before I acquired physical form, and what I would yet be. That implies an earlier involvement with life. That earlier involvement lies 'beyond', in a place or realm where my logic, reason and rationality has no place, because they are products of my mind. And I say again that in that beyond is Mind which has its own system of reason to which I am not privy. Can anyone know the mind of God, the Mind? I think not. Yet I am aware of its presence........."

          As a footnote, I should perhaps say that probing ever deeper into the mind is not unlike probing ever deeper into the universe. The further we see, the further back in time we travel, because it takes time for light to reach us from the depths of space. Similarly, to descend into one's inner depths can be an experience of travelling back through evolutionary time. It can also simply be a descent through the various parts of the brain to its earliest and, therefore, most fundamental elements.

There Is No Time to Lose

          Over these last few days a current has been flowing through me with which I have been feeling less than comfortable. I know that in part it stems from news both from near and from afar, some about friends, that is saddening. However, I am also aware that although events around the world have been shocking, brutal, and cruel there have also been many that fall into the category of "you're-too-sensitive-but-that's-life." Compared with the heavy stuff these latter are light-weight, small events, that seem not to impinge on one's life too much. Yet they too, drip by drip, add to the unloving malaise that seems to be a necessary accompaniment to life.
          At the very heart of life, at the very ground of our being, there is a place beyond flesh and blood, beyond muscle and sinew, a place that is wholly spirit. Push open the door to her realm and she shines out like white, unconsuming fire. She is Wisdom/Discernment. If I try to close the door behind me and still remain in her presence, I discover that I am returned to a place outside, shut off and waiting to enter. The door must remain open. So once again I push open the door to her realm and wait on the threshold. And it seems to me that all my life has been spent at this point, waiting on the threshold, in some liminal space that exists between what was before this life and what will come after. Now is the time to prepare, with all my strength, for I may not pass this way again.
           This year has seen some horrendous events take place, as well as some that seem to shut the door on hope. I would suggest that many of the latter seem to have opened the way for some people to pour out their racist bile, their intolerance of anything that does not fall within their restricted, limited view of life. Yet that stuff has always been there. It is that now, buoyed up and seemingly justified by others who feel and think in the same way, that there has been a reported outpouring of abuse that shows up a world that is far less than it could be.
          But perhaps there is value in the surfacing of all that we might like to ignore and keep hidden. In a sense, many have "come out" and shown the world how truly uncaring, unkind and contemptuous they are; how each of us could be - if we are honest with ourselves. For my part, I must at all times keep the door to Sapientia open. I must remain aware. Every little unkindness, every little slur, every negative little act or thought dwelled upon, simply adds to the steady drip that will lessen me from what I can be.
          But there is yet hope. Not all is doom and gloom. People can rise to tremendous heights of loving-kindness and ego-denial. All too often those beacons become dimmed to our eyes under the welter of bad news that some enjoy making, and the media determined to peddle. We are in the habit of dividing our lives into discrete blocks, when in fact we are passing through a continuum with no breaks. So now is the time to do what must be done; not in six days time. Now is the time to begin again and yet again. The time is coming when the threshold must be crossed, and I will move on. There is no time to lose.

To Travel One's Own Path

          I find myself caught between a place of wanting, and a place of forbidding. Perhaps the word 'forbidding' is too strong. Yet there is a sense of 'it-isn't-appropriate-to-talk-about-it.' How can I even begin to talk about this current experience? Whatever is happening now has its roots in earlier experiences, as perhaps is inevitably the case. There is no clear and obvious event to which I can point and say that that is where this current phase of my journey began. Therefore, I will jump in at random, and that point happens to be my reading of Karen Armstrong's, "The Spiral Staircase." [For my introduction to this book I must thank dear Susan of "phantsythat."]
          For those who may not have heard of Miss Armstrong, she is an ex-nun. Whilst living in her convent she discovered that she had a real problem with God in that no communication developed between them. I have to say that there were moments when reading her account of her search for herself, when my heart bled for her. In saying that, I realise that I was also bleeding for myself, for my own early experiences of living in a 'born again', Victorian household. As I have indicated elsewhere, I never stopped believing that there had to be some experience or process [but never a some-thing or some-one] in this vast universe that could be called God. I simply turned away from what seemed in those earlier years to be an irrelevance in my life.
          For some time now I feel as if I have been living in a spiritual desert. These are difficult times to live through even though they are also times when something profound is taking place at a deep level. All sorts of experiential clues arise to nudge one towards a course of action that needs to be undertaken. "The Spiral Staircase," and even a television series of space fantasy, were two such clues that I discovered. But pride of place has to be given to the book, the television series playing a secondary, but strong, supporting role.
          As I have already said, I find myself in a place of wanting. I want to continue to write here about matters that are of prime interest to me; matters of the psycho-spiritual. I also find myself in a place of forbidding. Deeply spiritual experience needs to be guarded and explored most gently in secret and silence. I have in the past tried to share much that I have experienced, because behind those experiences I have felt a new reality far beyond the realism of the material world. Now I need to move on from that approach. Where this new phase of my inner journey will lead I know not. I only know that lonely and fearsome though the way may be, it must be attempted. The process of renewal allows for nothing less.

          As it is unlikely that I will post again before Christmas, may I wish for the very best to all my readers for the coming festivities, whether they be a celebration of a Christian festival, any other religious festival of which I am unaware, or simply a pagan celebration of midwinter.