Encounters with the Soul - Final Part

                The scene painted in the previous encounter represents an ideal situation in which the damaging effects of an unbridled ego are not present. However, that is a case not realised in practice. Spiritual cataracts trouble the divine lens, and tendrils of blackness reach out to ensnare the soul. It is as if the soul forgets, "a hundred, a thousand times a day.

It is as if it forgets the treasure held in some dark, run-down, Dickensian pawnbroker's shop. There is a constant need to self-remember, but such matters go beyond the remit implied in the first incounter described earlier.

               I spoke earlier of the need for the soul, imaged as an egg, to break through its surrounding shell and be hatched. This, perhaps, gives too strong an avian flavour to the event. That sense of hatching out is better described as a proto-star bursting out into full brilliance. 

               To progress any further would be to attempt to describe the steps that the soul deems to be necessary in order to escape its confinement. And that lies beyond the limits of this discussion. I will, therefore, bring these writings to a halt. The nightmare has been noted, and that is enough to bring it into focus. 

               I will leave with this final quote from Father Sylvan,

"It is not demanded of us that we always be in a state of the heart (or soul - my bracketed insertion) which grants us vision and self-mastery. It is only demanded of us that we know the state we are in. But this is difficult."

Encounters with the Soul - Part 5

                At this point I will reproduce an unpublished blog post of mine, written in 2022.(11)

After my experiences of deeply probing my inner world [Into the Enchanted Forest Parts 1 & 2] I tried to determine whether I had reached the limits of my descent.

"..........It seems to be very difficult to descend any lower into the spiritual depths of my being. In the darkness, there is a very powerful sense of protective wings, the presence of some emanating Spirit. There is also an awareness of vast energies present, a three-dimensional world interacting with the two dimensions of another. I feel so small, so very vulnerable. I am in the presence, or embodiment, of some enigma that keeps watch over an ultimate meaning which must remain for ever beyond my understanding.........." 

               I cannot describe that experience; only report on a memory, albeit a flawed memory, of that experience. But I needed to probe, to confront whatever might exist in the depths of my Self. All that I could offer I willingly laid before me. And, finally, there was an answer, a series of visual metaphors.... 

"..........It was as if I were experiencing a waking dream. There hung before me an Equal-armed Cross. At the place where the horizontal arm crossed the vertical there hung a Rose. There at the point of paradox, where there was neither horizontal nor vertical, yet also both, hung a great symbol of ..... perfection and love. I approached the Rose and saw, at its centre, a window, a ..... lens ..... that offered a glimpse into the depths of the Abyss beyond.

               I stop before the lens; feeling some kind of tensionless tension. This is the source of ..... not danger exactly ..... unease, apprehension perhaps. If that lens should break, if that ..... portal should open, I would be at the mercy of the dark, divine light, which must surely wash me away. That would feel terrifying. Light out of darkness; the terrible abyss.........."

               Is there, in me, a soul? There are no cast-iron certainties in this universe, only probabilities. The only worthwhile question to ask is whether that assumed-to-exist soul is healthy or unhealthy. Does it enjoy a plenitude of love, or is it undernourished? Is it a living force, or is it dying? Is it destitute and weak: has it, indeed, sunk into a state of spiritual dementia?

               A lens, the means by which .....the Infinite can be focused on the soul, but which can also become flawed by a psycho-spiritual cataract, the illusions of the ego, appears to be an interface between the soul and the divine abyss. But there is a 'cure' for the cataract, and it lies along the Paths of the Dark Night. 

(11) 2022 Blog Post - unpublished

Encounters with the Soul - Part 4

                Assuming that the soul does indeed exist, then a non-dual assessment would imply a solution beyond the "it-does/it-doesn't" approach. That alternative solution says that the question of existence or non-existence is the wrong question. The real question is, "How effective and efficient is the soul when it is operating?" In other words, this alternative approach recognises a spectrum of operability which only gives an impression of non-existence at one end of that spectrum, and total existence at the other end. The difficulty here lies in the use of imagery to communicate an idea by that which lies beyond ideas.

               The soul is like an egg which develops by feeding on its spiritual albumen. There comes a point when that growing presence must break out of its shell, it must be hatched. When that event occurs, and the soul in all its brilliance and light becomes "visible", a contact is made with something far higher. Perhaps that contacting beam of white brilliance is a call, a homing signal, or a new pathway for further nourishment. I do not know. Yet there hangs the soul intermediate between the realm of the spirit and the domain of the ego. It is in necessary contact with both yet apparently belonging to neither. Here lies a great mystery, and one which is beyond the power of the ego to unravel and, perhaps, refute. ".....and light shines in the darkness (of the ego), and darkness could not overpower it." (5) 

               The ego deals in dualities, either/or solutions, and definitions. But the intermediate soul is beyond these considerations. They are meaningless to the soul, yet the soul must become involved with the ego. It needs its "powers", as Meister Eckhart (6)  calls them, to learn about its path back to its source, or so I believe. There are too many references about this journey to list here, but they would include the parable of "The Prodigal Son"(7), the descent and return of Sophia (Gnostic text)(8), the Greek dramatic "Fable of the Pearl"(9), and others. In each of these stories there is one thread that repeats itself, and that is the element of "forgetting". This is a factor which Gurdjieff often refers to (10). Is it not possible that the process of forgetting oneself is what is being interpreted as the aborting of the soul?

              I will develop the idea of the link between the soul and the realm of the spirit, and what it means for ones spiritual development, in the next part of these encounters.

(5) John 1:5  NJB

(6) Meister Eckhart, Sermon 2.

(7) Luke 15:11-32

(8) "Pistis Sophia"

(9) "The Gnostic Gospels", from the Apocryphal Acts of the Apostle Thomas

(10) "The Reality of Being", Jeanne de Salzmann

Encounters with the Soul - Part 3

               Before moving on to discuss the states of the soul, I would like to back-track a little to cover what one other person has to say on the matter of the existence, or otherwise, of the soul. That other person is a Father Sylvan (2), sadly now dead. In the section referenced below, Father Sylvan says, 

"In short, the soul is not a fixed entity. It is a movement that begins whenever man experiences the psychological pain of contradiction. It is an actual energy, but one that is only at some beginning stage of its development and action. Every day, every more or less average human experiences the appearance of this energy in its most embryonic stage ...... But almost always, almost without any exceptions whatsoever, this new energy is immediately dispersed and comes to nothing. A hundred, a thousand times a day, perhaps, "the soul is aborted"."

               I find this to be an interesting approach, but one which may bear the seeds of duality. As described, it would appear that the soul makes an appearance, only to disappear, yet implying that it continues to exist, awaiting its next opportunity to become evident. It is, yet it is not; a paradox. It would appear that the soul can exist as potential energy, in a manner not unlike Meister Eckhart's (3) use of the word 'potential' when referring to the darkness of "unknowing". 

               Certainly, as a result of my own inner searching, I have experienced something similar to Father Sylvan. But I would describe the experience as one of encountering a state of "having the lights on, but with no-one at home." This always seems to occur in the presence of overwhelming thought and/or emotion (4). Interesting though this phenomenon may be, however, the question as to whether or not the soul exists, or whether it simply fades out and returns (like the collapse of the electro-magnetic field in an electrical generator), is less important than determining how effective and efficient is the operating state of the soul. 

(2) See "Lost Christianity," by Prof. Jacob Needleman - The Appearance and Disappearance of the Soul.

(3) Meister Eckhart, Sermon 4.

(4) See for example "Loss of Awareness Through Anger," Gwynt Blog Post, 17 Dec. 2021

Encounters with the Soul - Part 2

               The title of this series supports my belief in, or perhaps more accurately, my "knowing" of the existence of the soul, but with no real knowledge of its nature. Does it come into being fully-fledged, as some believe? Is it immortal? What is its relationship, if any, to the ego? I should point out at this juncture that I believe the ego to be a function of the physical senses, the intellect or 'Thinking Function' and the emotions or 'Feeling Function'. This is important here.

               When the material body dies so does the physical brain, along with the senses, the emotions and the intellect. The ego is necessary to allow the material body to survive the tribulations of material existence, up to a certain point. Beyond that point the body is no longer able to satisfy the internal conditions for its continued existence. The soul on the other hand has no such apparent survival value. What then can be its function and purpose? It would appear to have none, and that runs counter to one's experience of nature.

               But what does the soul say of itself, as to its finite or eternal existence, for example? I discovered long ago that when dealing with the question of morality, for example, the soul is completely nonplussed. Morality, as stated, is a series of dualities dealing with how we live in the world. For the soul, dualities do not exist. Neither, therefore, does the issue of finite life or eternal life. That is an issue which attracts the attention only of the ego, which lives in space and time. And what is spacetime? Perhaps only a great bubble being carried in a great river of eternity. It is that river which is the natural habitat of the soul. Spacetime is a passing phenomenon with nothing in common with the soul, except that the soul seems to require a medium in which to be conceived. Spacetime, the material temple of the soul, contains the soul's psycho-spiritual womb. 

Encounters with the Soul - Part 1

                This series of posts on the soul is in response to "Lindsay's Lobes" postings about the soul, a subject about which I feel I never fully, or satisfactorily, developed my thoughts in the past. I feel, as I said in comment to Lindsay's posts, that I have nothing to say, yet must say something.(1) 

               In describing an encounter with the soul, or to put it another way, reporting a conversation with the soul, one has to start somewhere and describe the event in a particular manner. To do this I must struggle to overcome my instinctive, intellectual approach, born out of years of scientific reporting, and tell it as it was. The past tense is important here because I cannot re-live and express the actual experience; only report on a memory of that experience. Furthermore, conversations rarely seem to start, develop and end in a strictly linear fashion. There always seem to be diversions, incongruencies, and even questions that occur as part of an overall communication. So where shall I begin? I will begin with a nightmare, one which has a recurring theme but which expresses itself in a variety of settings.

               In this dream, not really a bad dream but one which always arouses deep discomfort and maybe terror, I am carrying the husk of the decomposed but re-animated corpse of my long-dead father. A person enters the dream who attempts to rob me of the corpse. This attempt I fight off with much vigour, and succeed. (The other figure is a man who I know about; one that I respect but who is flawed. He will remain unidentified.) How may this dream be interpreted? I say 'may' because any interpretation will be mine. Others may disagree with that interpretation. 

               The re-animated corpse represents a powerful authority figure in my life. After a great deal of meditation on the matter, I conclude that the image is one which represents my ego. Only that now has the power to govern me as once my father did. The robber who attempts to remove that corpse from me is my soul, flawed though it may be. Regretfully, my ego is still winning, apparently.

               Now the questions begin. Although the title of this post implies the existence of a soul, yet there remain many questions about its existence, and its relationship(s) with the rest of me. These questions I hope to address, realistically, in future descriptions of encounters with the soul.

(1)          This sounds like something St. Paul might have said, but I can find no such reference.

Goodbye 2021

To all of you who read my scratchings and scribblings, may I wish you a happy, loving Christmas. And may all your needs for 2022 be met in abundance.

                               Au 'voir, et Bonnes fêtes 

Loss of Self-Awareness Through Anger

          This pathworking began as a struggle. I did not seem to have enough to make it meaningful; and everything was so shallow, with only very obvious observations. Then suddenly:-

"..........I am in an underground, stone room, a castle dungeon maybe, though it is spotlessly clean and well lit. I am hammering furiously on the flagstoned floor with my wooden staff, trying to get somewhere. Suddenly, the floor explodes downwards and I am in a dimly lit cosmos.

A galaxy "snaps" into place before me, shining with such a brilliant, white light that I can barely look at it. Although it is very close to me, I can just about hold the complete galaxy within my cone of vision, as it stretches out to right and left like a pair of stylised wings. Within the globe of stars comprising the centre of the galaxy is a bearded, brilliant face that gives the galaxy its shining power. Now there are other, smaller, less distinct faces. If they are trying to communicate with me, I am unable to hear them.

The flagstoned floor has "snapped" back into place and I am returned to, unceremoniously dumped in, the dungeon.  It is over.........."

          Although I didn't realise it at the time, there are some very important lessons to be learned from this experience. At that time I was feeling frustrated --- yes, angry --- that I was getting nowhere with this pathworking. I had descended into my deep self, my beyond-consciousness, which appeared to contain no undealt-with baggage. How the ego can fool one! Yet there was little enlightenment in that "dimly lit cosmos."

          The words that came to mind, "furiously"; "explodes"; "snaps"; and "snapped", appropriately describe my attitude toward my work on that day. There was also the intimation of great power; and anger is a very powerful emotion. Although anger may provide the necessary energy with which to accomplish the goals of the ego, whether for good or ill, it is useless and inappropriate in the realm of the spirit. All that one is faced with is ..... oneself, one's ego. 

          So often in the past I have, regretfully, come face to face with the many expressions of my own anger and frustration. [Even when I used to sport a beard!] There is no doubt that when in that state, one is unable to ..... "hear" that which one needs to hear. The presence of anger is all-encompassing. Most importantly, when one is strongly identified with the ego, under the spells of the "thinking" and "feeling" functions, and the perceptions that have their origins in those functions, one loses ..... "self-awareness." 

          The interesting thing about that experience is that over time, as I have returned to that experience, I have become increasingly aware of a sense of amusement emanating from my inner teacher. This particular pathworking, certainly not the one I had originally sought, has had a salutary effect on my life. A long time ago, the question was asked of me, "Cannot anger also be part of the spectrum of love?" Somehow, I doubt it.

Dawning Awareness

 "..........It is as if there are two spaces, the lower is dark and is Death, whilst the upper is light and Life. They both exist in a state of eternity, outside time, rather than in a state of everlastingness. The Word, coming to believe, act as ..... dimmer switches, moving one's experience, one's being, from the lower state to the upper. Before a spiritual awakening occurs, one is in a state of Death, of unawareness. When the switch occurs, everything comes to Life:  ..... and none of this relates to the life and death of the material body.........."

          Whenever this kind of switching takes place, there is always a sense of ..... Presence ..... sometimes even a sense of Angelic Presence, associated with the event. I recall the first time that I can remember sensing this manifestation of "presence." I had been undergoing an intense study into my inability to carry out a task which my intellect said was within my capabilities, if I just kept trying. This study, voluntarily entered into, [and 'worked at' very diligently], was immediately followed by an ..... awareness, which just seemed to dawn on me like a mist drifting away, as if I were ..... "seeing" something for the first time. That experience made me aware that, under the powerful influence of my ego, I had been in a state of psychological denial, that my goal was beyond my capability to achieve. In the aftermath of that experience, and with no effort involved, I gained a dawning awareness that there was another way of ..... being, that something more powerful than my ego could break through my obsessional behaviour. Thus it was that I came to experience my first encounter with a "Dark Night," the dark night of the intellect.

          The sense of Presence was ..... vague but unmistakable. It was as if the "image" of that presence were symbolic of an awareness of the Self that I had never before encountered. It was an experience that was the total opposite of that state of ..... unawareness, experienced when under the control of the ego, when in that lower space which is ..... dark, and is Death.  

          It is strange that after all these years that I have followed my Path, or Way, without question, that I could have gone in a regressive direction. But I had to choose to follow the Path that I now willingly travel. As I indicated above, it felt as if an enlightening dimmer switch had allowed me to "see" and know that sense of "Presence."

          As the Word said, "I am the resurrection and the life. Whosoever believes in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live." "..........and none of this relates to the life and death of the material body.........."

Visual Language

           The Missal reading for 11th. Oct. 2021 was taken from Luke 11:29-32.  

They - the Scribes and the  Pharisees - wanted Jesus to work a sign for them, a miracle, in such a way that they could become aware if He was the one sent by God, ..... as they had imagined. They wanted Jesus to submit himself to their criteria. They wanted to fit Him into the framework of their own idea of the Messiah. There was no openness for a possible conversion in them. [My thanks to the Carmelite Lectio Divina website for this interpretation.]

          It seems to me that the same principle needs to be applied to the interpretation of the symbols and images that arise during pathworkings [rather similar to, if not the same as, kataphatic contemplative prayer] and meditations. The 'visual language' of the unconscious mind must be interpreted ..... on its own terms, rather than those assumed to be correct as a result of one's thinking function, arrived at through rational argument and logic. In my experience, although I have no doubt that the psycho-spiritual world operates according to its own set of universal laws, understanding the world of symbolism and imagery is much like how one approaches one's appreciation of art. To impose one's own ..... 'intellectual' rules is to run the risk of misinterpreting and missing the point of an artwork. Similarly, the unconscious mind can only be understood by opening one's mind and, if necessary, changing one's way of thinking about matters arising from that realm of unconsciousness. And of course, there is the added advantage that by avoiding ..... attachment to one's thoughts, one also avoids the need to travel that part of the "dark night of the intellect."  

          A very large part of our spiritual and psychological development requires us to change the way we think, get rid of preconceived ideas, engage with the process of metanoia. Or as the Bible calls it, repentance. [As a by-product of that practice, we might just get to save our planet as well!!]

Spheres Within Spheres *

 "..........I float in deep space; everywhere is the colour violet. My archangelic guide is turned away from me. In the far distance is a group of fiery crystals being shepherded towards their destination, but I may not follow them. We, my guide and I, move rapidly upward and outward until halted by an invisible membrane surrounding a sphere which defines my spiritual location. Far beyond, shine more stars and galaxies in a realm that I cannot reach.

          Nearby, is a huge Tree. I reach out and find that I have entered its leafy crown. How can I breach the membrane that defies all my efforts to break through? In some way the uppermost branches have passed through the invisible barrier, but I will not be able, will not be allowed, to force my way through. Now I see that the way through is by a gentle, non-invasive path. I must become at one with the Tree in order to grow through the membrane with the branches.

          My guide and I slip inside the Tree. We climb a double helix stairway until we reach the barrier. There my guide stops and points the way. I can and do move on, into the next sphere; spheres within spheres. Another guide greets me, and we travel on together.........."

          It is a mistake to think that spiritual growth can be achieved by effort, as if such growth is an Olympic activity. The real effort, and that is undoubtedly necessary, lies in becoming prepared which may also require increased self-awareness. The passage from one experiential sphere to another appears to be an act of, what one may call ..... grace. One moves "upward and onward" as if by invitation, when the time is right. It is all a process of inner, spiritual evolution and one which always takes me somewhat by surprise. 

          Alongside the move toward preparedness grows acceptance of what is. And part of that acceptance is a recognition of powerlessness. In one sense, it is the acceptance of death to one sphere, to one way of being, so that one is born into a larger way of living. I find that all previous experiences of ..... being-ness always appear to be so ..... limited.

* [Footnote: "Into the Enchanted Forest - 3" delayed, probably indefinitely.]

Into the Enchanted Forest - Part 2.

          I will reproduce the essential cores of the three pathworkings from Part 1 of this post:-

"..........I am in a forest, approaching a glade. Before me, hanging in space, is a large eggshell with its top section as yet not yet formed. From deep inside comes a bright, blinding light as if from a white sun which had first appeared as a candle flame. Its radiance lights all the trees around us, grouped as if in adoration, in some form of worship. Yet the worship was more apparent than real, perhaps like a loving acknowledgement.........."

"..........I am moving in a forest, approaching a large, incomplete eggshell that seems to symbolise the focus of all my interacting processes with the world/universe around me. Inside the Egg is planet Earth, bathed in warm light. It is this light that streams into space.........."

"..........The great eggshell is here, before me. Through the brilliant light emitted from the unformed top, I see the contents of the translucent shell. It is a golden-yellow yolk encased in albumen. From the yolk worms an indistinct umbilicus which connects the two parts of the shell's contents.........."

          I have found in all my work that the emergent imagery always speaks about my psycho-spiritual being. That work never appears to speak of the 'out there' world, the physical forms. Thus although one could conclude that the eggshell could represent the Van Allen belts protection the earth and all its lifeforms, or the physical skeleton protecting the brain, I think that to conclude thus would be to miss the point.

          To enter this forest is to enter into a mystery, a ..... divine mystery. One needs to approach that mystery with loving acknowledgement, with ..... respect, rather than an egoistic experience of 'worship'. Here, on the threshold of a great mystery, one stands as if at a point of balance, a point of expectant hesitation, before entering the unfolding world of the spirit. This is the home of the perfect soul, symbolised by the white star, a body to which I alluded in a previous post, "The Crypt."

          In the second quote, in which I refer to the planet Earth inside the eggshell, Earth symbolically represents  how one interacts with the surrounding world/universe. It is about the use of physical senses, thoughts, emotions and perceptions and their effects on the deeper spiritual being; in short how the ego possibly affects the soul.

          Very similar in colour and form to our local star, the yolk located within its protective casing and fed from its 'food source', represents [to me at least] the ..... potential of something yet to develop. From the foregoing imagery, I cannot conclude that the soul comes into being, fully-fledged, when the physical foetus is born. Just as a foetus requires a physical, mothering environment in which to grow and develop before birth, so does the soul require a corresponding spiritual, mothering environment.

          I will conclude my thoughts about this phase of the work of contemplation of the soul in the third part of this post.

Into the Enchanted Forest - Part 1.

"..........I am in a forest, approaching a glade. Before me, hanging in space, is a large, human-sized eggshell with its top section as yet not yet formed. From deep inside comes a bright, blinding light as if from a white sun which had first appeared as a candle flame. Its radiance lights all the trees around us, grouped as if in adoration, in some form of worship. Yet the worship was more apparent than real, perhaps like a loving acknowledgement.........."

          The atmosphere feels as if an image had been superimposed ..... a memory of a past experience. It feels reminiscent of , "A Different Nativity" which I wrote about in January 2014. It is the feeling of "divine birthing" that predominates. Then the scene blurs and changes:-

"..........I am moving in a forest, approaching a very large, incomplete eggshell that seems to symbolise the focus of all my interacting processes with the world/universe around me. Inside the Egg is planet Earth bathed in warm light. It is this light that streams into space.........."

          I pondered on this imagery, on and off, for months, never quite understanding what I was being told. Then after a period of meditating on the "soul":-

"..........The great eggshell is here, before me. Through the brilliant light emitted from the unformed top, I see the contents of the translucent shell. It is a golden-yellow yolk encased in albumen. From the yolk worms an indistinct umbilicus which connects the two parts of the shell's contents.........."

          The setting, a shady forest, has been described in a number of ways. In particular the symbol of the forest represents a place, essentially feminine, that is free from control and intellectual "cultivation." It thus represents the Earth in the role of the Great Mother. Further, to enter the Dark or Enchanted Forest is like entering the perilous unknown, the spiritual realm, which one must ..... penetrate, in order to find meaning.

          There is no doubt in my mind that the months, and years even, that I have spent musing over this imagery have finally brought me to the point where I can only conclude that it is the "soul" about which I am being instructed. Not only that, but a study of this subject could arguably be the most important enterprise in my spiritual life. I will develop some of my thoughts in Part 2 of this post.

The Depths of No-thing-ness

          If "The Spectrum of Love" projects its message upward from the Deeps, onto the three principles referred to in my two earlier posts, and from thence up into normal consciousness, is there an even deeper level that feeds into the spectrum of love? I believe there is. Reaching into those hidden depths .....

"..........Mass and form slip away into the silence ..... Planes of black perceptiveness ..... A new sense of Presence, protective, guarding, feminine ..... alien but humanoid, yet radiating divinity.........".

          There does appear to be a level or ..... World which is, seemingly, fundamental to everything; a World which creates all that is to come, but which itself is the outflowing of an Abyss. Maybe the inner Temple is the spiritual form which this World must take in order to be ..... recognised, or perceived by consciousness. Spontaneous or outflowing birth, the interaction of a deep World on one less deep appears to be the order of the evolving spiritual universe.  

"..........Understanding is beginning to dissolve into unknowingness ..... Acceptance and descent is the chalice that must be willingly drained ..... There can be no other way, but through experience ..... Everywhere, filled with no-thing-ness .........."

"..........And the Spirit moved upon the Deeps.........."

The Spectrum of Love

          If, as I believe is the case, the practice of celibacy, chastity and obedience [referred to in my previous post] can be seen as a projection of a deeper, non-material world onto the material world, what is the experience that in its turn projects upwards from a yet even deeper world? Whatever that experience is, it appears to entail some sense, at least, of worship and sacrifice.  But what or whom is to be worshipped; what is to be sacrificed and to whom?

          Worship, as experienced by the ego, is usually a somewhat lopsided love affair, one which involves highly charged, emotional interactions between two, unequal participants. I believe that emotion must be circumvented; that we must rid ourselves of experiencing emotions in order to reach that deeper ..... feeling. And I suspect that principle applies here in the case of worship. Unless emotion is dispensed with, all the overtones of subservience and, yes ..... idolatry, enter the equation. It is not worship, as normally understood that is required, whether on a person-to-person basis, or on a person-to-God basis, but respect. It is respect, not worship, that can be said to lie on the ..... spectrum of love. And it is love,  not worship, that lies at the heart of a healthy relationship. This applies as much to a person-to-God relationship as to a person-to-another relationship.

          As with any experience enjoyed by the ego, it is its own self which takes centre stage. Yet life is not about me, not about my ego. I am just the place in which the unfolding drama of life's .....  evolution ..... spiritual evolution, is being played out. It is at this deeper level that forces or energies operate which give rise to the healthy and appropriate experiences of celibacy, chastity and obedience.

          And sacrifice? Or should that not be understood as ..... willing acceptance? What does the subatomic particle sacrifice in order to become part of an atom, a molecule, or even something greater? What does a particle of pigment sacrifice in order to become part of a painting masterpiece? One might say it loses a degree of freedom, a quality that allows it to remain as nothing usefully developed, a grand - if not grandiose even - fish in a miniscule pond; the age-old story of the ego.

          At a deep level within one's Self, one can experience the truly ..... indescribable. It feels that it is about ..... love and respect. It is not about a single event, which in any case exists only in time. It is, rather, about a ..... continuum, an ongoing process of becoming; a necessary process of spiritual evolution, and more. If I, this ..... inner temple of the spirit, am the altar on which this sacrifice is made, the sacrifice of a higher and divine love, then all I can do is ..... accept it. There is nothing else to actually ..... do.

Three Principles

In future posts, script italicised in bold will indicate an extract from my private pathworking/contemplation diaries.  

"..........I waited to see what would emerge. Then I saw that I had entered a church, and before me lay an open, darkened crypt accessed by a ramp leading eastwards. I walked down the ramp and found myself in a large space which appeared to extend limitlessly outwards into the darkness.

Immediately before me stood an altar of unidentifiable material. On the altar stood a transparent bowl, so clear that it seemed to represent form without substance. In the bowl was a similarly clear liquid which I lit from hand fire.  

Behind the altar appeared a column of light, its colour a rich golden-yellow; and it seemed to be alive. The darkness around me deepened, and with a slight sense of disorientation, I rose upwards above the altar and felt my hands reach out in front of me. In response I sensed a corresponding gesture from the glowing column, until our hands were clasped together. I believe I have been welcomed. Then I observed that I was dressed in the black habit of a monk, the symbol of celibacy, chastity and obedience.........."

          It seems to me that, at a level not too far below that of the ego yet separate from it, there exists an apparently infinite expanse ..... a 'field' perhaps ..... (as if in some psychic, radiation field) of unknowingness. No thoughts or emotions exist on that plane and neither, or so it would seem, do 'facts'. What does exist, however, is language ..... language in the form of symbols or images. As C.G.Jung said,

"The spiritual element [of a human being] carries on an active dialogue with the personal element of our selfhood through the use of symbols. The spiritual element is not a silent partner in the business of life, but demands active participation in the growth and transformation of the individual. Unlike the mind-emotion complex, the pneumatic component does not express itself in words or in ordinary feelings [emotions; my parenthesis]. Dreams, visions, altered states of consciousness and what Jung called synchronistic experiences are the most important avenues for these symbolic communications". [Eleanor Bertine's work, "Jung's Contribution to our Time".]

          As with any conversing pair, conversations can be many and varied. Here I will concentrate on just one such conversation, one which spoke about a need, a .....commitment even ..... to the principles of celibacy, chastity and obedience in the spiritual life. But how may one interpret these principles? I can give only brief observations here because the principles run deep, and have far-reaching consequences. 

          Celibacy, a voluntary vow of abstinence is, I would suggest, about ..... non-attachment ..... (I prefer that term to 'detachment') to the things of what the bible calls ..... the 'flesh'..... the province of the ego. When applied to the external life it seems to me to be a travesty of purity and of non-attachment.

          On chastity, one would say that it is about ..... temperance ..... the habit of avoiding all extremes of behaviour. Clearly, the avoidance of total celibacy would be included here. I find it difficult to exclude any form of fundamentalism, religious or otherwise, from this principle.

          On obedience, and this need not flout the much-idolised principle of so-called ..... free will ..... an expression which I feel is sometimes much misunderstood. One enters into spiritual obedience, and I stress 'spiritual', not political or social obedience ..... freely ..... accepting that one's higher Self, or soul, knows better, and is wiser, than the ego. The ego primarily serves the interests of itself, not of something higher.

          And it must also be that living according to these principles is possible.

A Way of Uncovering

           A meditation which seems to be a rather impromptu affair, one which appears to ..... intrude ..... into one's normal meditating routine is sufficient reason to treat it as having greater importance than some others, if such a gradation can truly be made. I always feel that such a meditation, chosen by some inner 'presence' rather than my 'external I', has about it a gravity ..... an experiential gravity ..... that needs to be taken note of, a lesson that needs to be learned. 

          Perhaps this meditation is a response to "The Crypt" which I published earlier. If one's soul lies in the crypt of one's being, assuming a living soul actually exists, then a journey of descent may be the first action that is required to approach and, possibly, experience that soul. The first steps of this journey are so very important. This journey of descent is what I would call ..... 'A Way of Uncovering' ..... an eradication of psychological denial or encrustations of the ego. And not only does it lead to a psychospiritual development that is hugely beneficial to the Self, but it also indicates that there are practical steps which can be taken to that end. The actual transformation may not be in the hands of the ego, it certainly is not, but the move towards preparedness almost certainly is. At a deeper level, as Prof. Needleman has said, 

          "Nor can we be active in the way we are accustomed to be. It's the same question that arises out of St. Paul: we are helpless and weak; there is nothing we can do. Yet there is something we must do. Just what, exactly, is within our power?"

          I wonder whether St. Augustine and Pelagius didn't both miss the point.

I Was Not - Revisited

           The problem with trying, usually unsuccessfully, to explain matters of the spirit is that all I have is 'words'. I must echo those of C.G.Jung here,

          "My speech is imperfect.  Not because I want to shine with words, but out of the impossibility of finding those words, I speak in images. With nothing else can I express the words from the depths." 

          Nevertheless, with that thought in mind and my reluctant move away from speaking in imagery, I will attempt to develop further the ideas that have arisen from my previous post, "I Was Not" and comments made on that post.

          I cannot relate my experience to Buddhist experience because, frankly, I do not have the experience or knowledge of Buddhist --- and in particular, Zen Buddhist --- thought and teaching. I must add that neither do I feel any urge to study eastern religions. That is too much like ..... following 'others'. Again, I turn to C.G.Jung ["The Red Book"],

..........It is no teaching and no instruction that I give you. On what basis should I presume to teach you? I give you news of the way of this man, but not of your own way. My path is not your path, therefore I cannot teach you. The way is within us, but not in Gods, nor in teachings, nor in laws. Within us is the way, the truth, and the life.......... and,

..........Woe betide those who live by way of examples! Life is not with them. If you live according to an example, you thus live the life of that example, but who should live your own life if not yourself? So live yourselves..........

          In attempting to describe the state in which I found myself, I described the state as being one of ..... emptiness. This word tends to describe the outcome of a process of emptying, or voiding. Yet the emptiness that I felt was more a sense of ..... being concentrated within some void, having sloughed off my externals. In other words I was emptied of everything relating to my ..... external ego and its illusions. Perhaps another way of describing this state would be like ..... being the yoke of an egg, bathed or irradiated in a bright light, having been ..... released perhaps, from my surrounding albumen and shell. 

          What is important here, or so I think, is not the external, visible experience. What is vital is the inner movement, the invisible forces at work. I don't see it as an example or aspect of 'spiritual growth' [shudder!]. Rather, I see the experience as one typical of an ordinary person, in which some 'things' are coming together, a natural process of becoming is being carried out. The experience was somewhat awesome, I admit, but it would be a mistake to focus on the pointing finger whilst ignoring that to which the finger points --- toward a spiritual process of marrying --- perhaps? That goal or target, has a wonderful sense about it of being totally, uncaringly lost.

          I was more than a little surprised at my reaction at the time, "Oh my God! Oh my, dear God!", particularly as I can make no claim to be a Christian, or even to being religious come to that. Yet I take heart from a comment made by the lovely Professor Jacob Needleman who once wrote:-

          "To think about God is to the human soul what breathing is to the human body.  I say to think about God, not necessarily to believe in God - that may or may not come later.  I say: to think about God."

          Finally, I will close with an excerpt from a post from 24th. August, 2013 --- "What Am I?"

          "..........I become aware of my awareness, yet am nevertheless subject to random thoughts and a slight feeling of frustration.  Now and then I feel  physical discomfort.  In some way all those sensings are connected to my state of awareness, a massless, formless awareness.  There comes a moment when it seems as if all I need to do is to stop concentrating or focusing on anything.  In an odd way that leaves me in a kind of limbo where I am 'concentrated' almost by default on a nothingness.  I give up 'trying', at least for a series of momentary-nesses.  The links with the material world are still there in potential, but much weakened.  It isn't until the stillness moves that I realise how deeply I have travelled.........."

I Was Not

 I am in two minds about posting this, but before I chicken out:

          From time to time I ask myself the question, "Do I wish to continue to post my writings?" My answer usually is in the affirmative, because I sense a need to talk, and to hear a response to my written musings. But my affirmative response is always alloyed with doubt. 

          Today, I experienced something new in my spiritual search, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I felt something more intensely than I have felt before. It was initiated when I was studying some words which said, "It is not demanded of us that we always be in a state of the heart which grants us vision and self-mastery. It is only demanded of us that we know the state we are in. But this is difficult......"

          I paused in my reading and asked myself the question, "What state are you in?" It was as if I became stationary on an invisible ladder of time and state. Below me was an infinity of responses to that question; what I knew; what I doubted; of what had I been in denial about; what progress had I made; and so on, and so on. Higher on the ladder I saw a single response, that I do not yet know the answer to the question about my state.

          In that moment the question dissolved. I could not ask, because I did not know what or how. I saw so clearly that I knew nothing; that I was nothing; that I was lost. It was only the ego that enjoys or suffers the illusion of knowing that it is.  I can only say that I was not! My response to that realisation was unequivocal, and one about which I --- as a non-Christian --- felt no doubts; no shame. It was simply, Oh my God! Oh my, dear God!

          In that moment I felt completely and utterly empty. And that emptiness felt so utterly right, as it was always meant to be. I also realised that, with occasional enhancement by spontaneous intrusions of phrases and sentences from I-don't-know-where, my writing is largely about the mechanics of my search. They rely on memory, not direct experience. Those experiences I can barely, if at all, describe to myself. But for reasons that I do not understand, it seems to be necessary that I write it all down. What others make of it all, I don't know.

The Way of the Heart

           In an earlier previous post, "The Crypt", I used the image of an inner church and its crypt to indicate something of the location of one's spirit and soul, a location far removed from that of the ego. Only later did I realise that the imagery which did not arise was a church built in the Gothic style, a form of architecture which has great appeal for me. Rather it was one built in a rural-parish, Norman style with a crenelated tower for defence. And I wondered why that latter image came to mind.

          The soaring Gothic arches atop walls punctured with panels of fragile glass have an appeal that calls to an instinct for purity in me, of reaching ever upwards ..... but towards what? To what does it strive? In contrast to that the rural church is far more 'earthly', even to the point of being humble. And I believe it is that sense of the ..... humble ..... that appeals to the feelings [and I stress feelings] of the ..... heart, rather than the thoughts and emotions of the ego.

          It is my belief that my inner ..... "conversations" ..... fulfil a number of functions, as does any conversation. In this particular case, it is indicating a way forward, a way of contemplation rather than meditation. Or more exactly, since most of my work deals with imagery and symbolism, a development from kataphatic to apophatic contemplation is being suggested, as I understand those terms.